


You're Worse Than Nicotine (DISCONTINUED 4/25)

by kxsumis



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: BDSM, Brief Non-Con Sex, Cheating, College AU, F/F, F/M, Gen, High School AU, M/M, Underage - Freeform, Violence, drug/alcohol abuse, modern day AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 10:47:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 34,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4016842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kxsumis/pseuds/kxsumis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren Jaeger was a junior in high school, along with his former boyfriend Armin Arlert. One night at a party, Eren had gotten drunk and ended up sleeping with a fellow classmate, Jean Kirstein, thus leading to the break up between the two.  After two months, everything seemed to be going well, but then Armin began dating a mysterious, alluring, deceptive man named Levi Ackerman. After an accidental encounter between the two, Eren was hopelessly drawn to him; however, he knew Armin was with him now and did not want to ruin any chances at his happiness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One For The Money

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my very first published fanfiction! 
> 
> I know the summary is really terrible but I suck at summaries >.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is my first published fan fiction! I am really excited to get to develop this story and make it enjoyable for you guys! Anyways, a lot of this fic is based off of a roleplay my best friend and I were writing a while back. So on May 24 at 3:00 in the morning, chapter one was born! 
> 
> ***I do have to warn you: in the later chapters of "Nicotine" there will be mention and some depiction of non-consensual sex and alcohol and mainly drug abuse. But when that time comes, I will make sure to note it before the chapter begins, so always read the notes, even if they're boring! If you are uncomfortable with reading that type of material, I'll include a brief and less detailed summary of what happened in the previous chapter in the following one so you can at least get the gist of what happened.
> 
> As far as an updating schedule goes, I have no idea. You might get one chapter one week, three the next, four the next, zero the next, etc. I guess it depends on my schedule and if writer's block doesn't swoop in and bite me in the ass. I also have no idea how many chapters this fic will include, but it definitely won't be super short.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy "You're Worse Than Nicotine" as much as I do!
> 
> If you have questions, comments, or feedback of any kind, feel free to leave a comment or contact me by messaging/mentioning me on twitter on either @Erenisthename or @turntechJaeger!
> 
> Enjoy!

Eren

I knew I shouldn’t have felt this way about Levi Ackerman, especially considering the fact that he was my ex’s new boyfriend and completely off limits; I’d already fucked up Armin’s life enough as it is, he didn’t need me stealing his new boyfriend. But still, Levi’s deep voice was enough to send shivers up and down my spine, the way he said my name shook me to my very core. Not to mention the fact that he was effing beautiful, too.

Let’s just say that Armin and I hadn’t necessarily ended very well and let’s just say it was entirely my fault and he had every right to hate my guts. Hell, I hated my guts. Anyways, I had gotten drunk at a party and kinda sorta fucked Jean Kirstein, thus breaking Armin’s heart and Marco Bodt’s, who was (and still is) Jean’s boyfriend.

Sometimes I wondered why Marco stayed with Jean, and then I remembered that Jean’s only talent was his amazing ability to manipulate and guilt you into doing anything he wanted. I bet he hit Marco with the old, “Baby, I couldn’t live without you” and “I am so sorry, it was an accident” bullshit. I mean, shit Jean, did you accidentally slip and fall into my ass? What a silly and unfortunate accident. Honestly it disgusts me. Marco was one of the sweetest and most kind-hearted people I knew, and the fact that Jean was completely okay with dragging Marco down with him and toying with his emotions showed just how terrible of a person he was.

If I had a penny for every time Jean said the words “I’m sorry” and didn’t mean it, I’d be rich. Jean was never sorry. He’d probably end up screwing someone else behind Marco’s back the next week and feel absolutely no remorse. 

Now, don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying I’m a complete angel, trust me, I’m far from it. Armin was completely broken. When I told him what had happened between Jean and I, his electric blue eyes shattered like glass. When he broke up with me, I didn’t object. I let him go. I was toxic, I didn’t want to hurt him anymore.

But that was two months ago, and it had been enough time for all of us to begin moving on. Armin certainly had, two weeks after we broke up he’d already picked Levi Ackerman up. He was a Sophomore in college, and Armin and I were juniors in high school. Levi was a bit old for Armin, but no one said anything. Armin was finally healing and no one was going to ruin the process. Especially not me; I’d done enough damage. 

Armin and I had started talking again, very briefly. Nothing could mask the betrayal and brokenness in his once lively eyes, but Levi seemed to be doing something to help him through everything. 

Levi was basically everything you wanted in a man. He was witty, intelligent, charming, and shit. His body. He wasn’t necessarily the tallest person ever, but he didn’t have to be. His face looked like it’d been fucking chiseled out of rock by the hands of God himself. 

I wanted to feel his perfect lips against mine, I wanted to taste him, I wanted his hands on my body and my hands on his. I wanted him on top of me, making me scream his name so loudly we’d disturb my neighbors. I wanted to hold him in my arms, and wake up with him next to me in my bed, replacing the cold, empty space Armin had left. I wanted to see his face light up with his smile he almost never exposed, his smile that I had never seen. I wanted to argue with him, I wanted to kiss him, I wanted the highs and lows. This was a rollercoaster I was willing to ride if I could get what I wanted in the end. I knew I shouldn't have felt this way about him, but fuck, I couldn’t help myself. I wanted him.

I needed him.

➷➹➷➹➷➹

Levi

I knew I shouldn’t have felt this way about Eren Jaeger. He had ruined a lot and basically fucked everything up for everyone. But his idiotic cluelessness and overall stupidity was oddly endearing and for some unknown reason I found myself hopelessly drawn to it. Eren had gone to some party and cheated on Armin, my new boyfriend, like a goddamn jackass, and left Armin completely shattered. Armin had told me countless times that Eren was “drunk and didn’t mean to and that he felt really terrible for doing what he did” but that didn’t mean I was gonna feel bad for the little shit or even think for one second that what he did was even remotely forgivable. 

It was his fault for drinking in the first place anyways, and if he knew he wasn’t gonna be able to keep his dick in his pants for five seconds if he did so then he could’ve used his brain and not have done it. However, Armin did tell me that he gave Eren a second chance. He told him that he forgave him and that if he wanted to continue to be with him, he could. But Eren turned him down. Another idiotic move on his part, I know; Armin was a wonderful person that deserved only the best, and from I’d heard, Eren was far from being the best. But it did show a sense of selflessness. 

Eren’s reason for turning Armin down was that he didn’t want to risk hurting him any further. Maybe he could’ve tried a bit harder to stop being such a horny piece of shit, but still. Maybe he really couldn’t control himself in these types of situations, and everything he said was genuine. 

But, hey, there’s also the idea that he’s a terrible person and even more manipulative than Armin had made Jean out to be. In my opinion, Eren giving Armin up like that was extremely dramatic and seemed like a desperate cry for pity and sympathy. But from what Armin had told me, Eren didn’t seem like the kind to beg for sympathy and pity. I’d rather have someone’s hate than their pity. In my lifetime, I’d definitely earned both from a lot of people.

I did have one thing to thank Eren for, though. He spared Armin from so much. Giving Armin up was the right choice on his part. Armin wouldn’t have been able to handle the fear of Eren cheating on him again, or the pain of seeing Eren everyday, acting as if nothing happened; the same Eren that had ripped his heart out and sent it to him broken an envelope with a big card that was signed “Fuck you! Love, Eren fucking Jaeger.” 

Armin had gotten a little bit better since he and I had started dating. But that was almost two months ago, and there hadn’t been a lot of improvement. That little brat must have meant a lot to Armin.

I didn’t think that the fact that Armin and Eren were still talking helped much, just a daily reminder to Armin of what had happened. So, I told Armin I thought they should stop talking. Although it took a lot for Armin not to object, he must have realized that it was best for him, too and agreed. He told me he didn’t have the heart to tell Eren he would no longer be talking to him, so I told him I’d go break the news to him.

I knew I shouldn’t have felt this way about Eren Jaeger. He had broken my boyfriend’s heart, his uncontrollable temper and saddeningly dumbass-like nature should have thrown me off from the very beginning; but his kind heart, determination, and unconditional love is what left me coming back for more. His sea-green eyes that you could get lost in and never find your way out trapped me.

Fuck, before this little shit and after Erwin I never thought my heart would beat for anyone other than myself again, but I was horribly mistaken. I was so hopelessly drawn to Eren he made me forget who I was trying to be and made me remember who I was. I wanted him; it didn’t matter what I had to do to have him.

I needed him, and maybe he needed me, too. 

➹➷➹➷➹➷

 

Eren

After everything had happened with Jean and I, I'd basically lost everyone I knew. They all automatically took Armin's side. I didn't blame them, though, I was the one who cheated. But as time passed, everyone seemed to be on good terms again. It wasn't like it was before; every time I talked to one of them they had suspicion and distrust written on their face no matter how much they tried to hide it.

The month and a half I had spent without all of my friends made me realize exactly how much was at stake. This break up had really fucked a lot up. 

I did love Armin; more than anything in the world. He was everything I wanted. The way his blue eyes glistened and his smile lit up the whole room had me hooked from the very beginning. After cheating on him, I hadn't only lost my boyfriend; I'd lost my best friend, too.

Armin and I had known each other since we were born. Our moms were always best friends, and so were we. Armin used to look at me with admiration and love, and now that was replaced with coldness and betrayal. 

And now he had his new boyfriend. I'd never actually met him, but I'd seen him. He looked at Armin with so much love and kindness, but when he looked at me, his dark blue eyes were enough to freeze me from the inside out. He looked at me like I was trash. Damn, he hated me.

I actually didn't remember much about the night it happened. After I took a few drinks, my memory was completely blank, and then I remember waking up in Jean's bed full of shame and disgust with myself. 

I sat in my history class, not paying any attention to my teacher whatsoever. I doodled random symbols in my notebook. Luckily this was my last class of the day and I only had ten more minutes left of it.

I tapped my foot on the ground and glanced up at the teacher, who was droning on in his annoyingly monotone voice like he had been for the past fifty minutes. I loved history, but my teacher was such a boring dickhead that it made me hate it.

The bell rang and I almost jumped for joy. I stood and slung my backpack over my shoulder, heading for the hallway. Then my heart stopped completely. I saw Levi leaning against the lockers on the other side of the hallway, his arms crossed. He must have been waiting for Armin. He must have felt my eyes on him because he turned his head to look at me.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.

I quickly turned to walk the other direction, but stopped when I heard him call my name.

"Jaeger." He said simply.

I hadn't turned around to face him. I could feel my cheeks heating up at the sound of my name coming from his mouth, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I was both aroused and terrified all at once.

I chewed on my lip, still not turning to face him.

"Are you going to talk to me or are you just gonna stand there like an idiot?" He asked, although it sounded more like a demand than a question. 

I mechanically turned to face him. He must have noticed the terror written on my face and in my eyes because his lips upturned in an amused smirk. This must have been the reaction he got from a lot of people before he murdered them. 

"So you're the infamous Eren Jaeger," He purred, his eyes searching my face and eventually my body.

I attempted to swallow the huge lump in my throat. "You must be Levi Ackerman." I said in the same tone he did, with surprising bravery.

His eyes drifted back up to mine, and he held my gaze for a while. I was pretty sure the entire school could hear my heart beating in my chest. 

Levi knew I was terrified and he must have found amusement in it.

"What you did was pretty shitty, you know?" He asked as if I was a seven year old who just stole a cookie out of the jar.

I didn't answer. Of course I knew.

"I do have to thank you, though," He cooed, his eyes staring into mine and dissecting me from the outside. "If it wasn't for you, I never would have meet Armin." He said Armin's name like he was a Disney princess swooning over a prince. I knew he only said it like that to fuck with me, but the sound of Armin's name in Levi's mouth was enough to make my skin crawl. 

I winced at that.

He knew I was hurting and was trying to strike me when I was down. I might have seen a look of sympathy flash across Levi's face for just a split second, but it was probably just my imagination.

His smirk was still on his lips, and his eyes were still on mine. It made me want to rip my skin off and smash my lips against Levi's all at the same time. 

"I should get going." He said. "Armin is probably waiting for me." He turned on his heel and walked down the hallway without another word or glance back at me.

I dug my nails into my palms and gritted my teeth, trying not to run after him and punch him in the head.


	2. Two For The Show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So this is the second chapter, basically just simple character introduction. The next few chapters will be much more interesting!

Eren

It had been three days since my run-in with Levi, and I had been afraid of possibly seeing him again. Luckily, I hadn’t.

Levi Ackerman. He had purposely fucked with me, he purposely tried to make me feel like complete shit about what happened between Jean and I, as if I already didn’t. Why? To make him feel better about himself? That idea seemed pretty far-fetched. After seeing that cocky smirk of his plastered on his face I should’ve known he already felt pretty damn good about himself.

He resented me, and I should have resented him. Part of me did, but part of me didn’t. Of course I hated the fact that he toyed with me like that, made me feel even worse about a situation I couldn’t change. He knew I couldn’t change it, and he knew I already felt bad. He probably did it just for his own twisted amusement. 

The other part of me wanted to know more and more about Levi. Who exactly was this man? What were his favorite movies? Did he want to travel the world? What did he like to do in his spare time? 

I sat down at my usual lunch table and rested my head in my hands and my elbows on the tabletop. I knew I shouldn’t have been caught up in him like this, like I was trapped in the web of mysterious that hid behind his dark blue eyes.

It wasn’t like he was gonna allow me to unravel that web or even get close enough to get glimpse further into it, and I knew that. I was probably just another dumb kid for him to fuck around with for the hell of it in his eyes, but in mine he seemed like so much more than just another pretty face. 

For some strange reason, I found myself hopelessly drawn to him, even though we’d only met once, I knew nothing about him, and all he did was basically tell me that I was an asshole. 

There was something about his dark eyes and condescending smirk that I found completely alluring. Maybe he intended it to be like this; maybe he wanted me to be hung up on him and this was all part of his stupid little mind game. I wanted to get closer to Levi but I certainly didn’t want to be part of some stupid game.

I also didn’t want to hurt Armin more than I already had. He might have hated me but I still cared about him more than anything. 

I pulled my plastic water bottle out of my backpack and unscrewed the cap, bringing it to my lips and taking a quick sip. I spun the cap in between my fingers idly, staring into space, lost in thought. 

Thinking about Levi like this definitely wasn’t gonna help keep Armin’s heart remain somewhat intact, so I knew I needed to drop Levi completely from my mind. But still, there was that nagging feeling I had in my gut that was only pulling me closer towards him.

I heard someone pull up a chair next to mine and sit down. I looked over at them, a little annoyed they’d broken my train of thoughts, but the annoyance quickly faded when I saw that it was Marco. 

“Hey, Eren.” He said, offering me a sweet smile.

Even though I had “made up” with all of my friends, they still didn’t sit with me, so I usually sat alone during lunch while the rest of them crowded around Armin like a wall, probably to make sure I wouldn’t go over there to try to talk to him. They had no reason to, though. I never had any plans of going over there at all. 

I was a little taken aback to see Marco of all people sitting with me, considering he was one of the people I’d hurt the most.

“Hi, Marco.” I said. He must have seen the confusion on my face because he chuckled lightly and rubbed my shoulder soothingly.

“I already told you I forgive you, Eren,” He said softly. He had told me this, and he was the only person who actually seemed genuine about the words he said. 

I shrugged, looking down because suddenly my water bottle had become really interesting.  
“I guess I just find it hard to believe.” I said simply, pressing down on the plastic and letting it pop back up. 

“Why would it be hard to believe?” He asked me, his voice full of concern. “Do you think I’m lying to you?” 

I looked away from my water bottle and back up at him. Marco was the sweetest person on the planet but it was safe to say he could be pretty oblivious.

“Yes,” I replied, “I mean no. I mean...ugh.” I let out a small sigh. “I dunno, man. I hurt you and Armin...a lot. And the fact that you forgave me so easily is a bit hard to believe.”

Marco shrugged, leaning back a bit. “I never said it was easy, Eren. But how are things supposed to get better if I don’t make peace with you? What’s holding a grudge gonna help?” He twiddled his thumbs. “It’s not gonna make you feel any better and it’s not gonna make me feel any better. It’s best to just let the past be the past and move on or our wounds are never gonna heal.” 

I stared at him for a moment, wishing that everyone else on the goddamn planet could think like him. And my thoughts then wandered back to: ‘Why is he with such an asshole like Jean?’

Marco noticed my eyes on him and his lightly freckled cheeks turned pink. “I’m sorry,” he said shyly, “I hope that didn’t sound weird.” 

I shook my head and gave him a small smile. “Don’t worry, man. It made perfect sense.” 

Marco was about to respond when the chair next to him was pulled out and Jean plopped down next to him. I was pretty sure I saw Marco flinch; and not out of surprise at the sudden noise, but I decided to keep my mouth shut.

I was already like I was gonna go into panic mode only from being close to Jean. He and I had hardly spoken to each other since the party, and when we did it was only awkward hellos and unsuccessful attempts at conversation. 

For some reason, since the night of the party, I didn’t feel right around Jean. It was probably only because of how much shit he and I were capable of ruining and the knowledge of that, but still. I had a bad feeling about him all of a sudden.

Another thing that worried me about that night was the fact that I couldn’t remember anything between me taking a few drinks and waking up in Jean’s bed completely disheveled with a blank memory. I hadn’t paid much mind to this, but every time I was in contact with Jean it was a thought I couldn’t shake.

My loss of memory was probably only the product of how many drinks I had, but if I remembered correctly I only had one or two. Normally I would have had more, but the day after the party I had a test I really didn’t want to bomb, so I tried to control myself that night. 

It was probably nothing, but it still made me feel uncomfortable. Every time I had tried to bring it up with Jean, he got defensive and dismissed the subject, telling me he was too drunk to remember as well.

I knew he was lying. I’d known him long enough to tell when he was. Almost every time he did, he scratched the back of his head and looked to the right. So, I didn’t ask him anymore after the fourth time of getting the same response.

“Eren.” Jean’s voice sounded demanding, and I looked up after staring into space for so long, jumping a bit after being pulled back into reality.

“Dude, that was like the third time I’ve tried to get you to pull your head outta your ass,” Jean said, looping his arm around Marco’s broad shoulders, eliciting another flinch out of him. If Jean noticed this, he definitely didn’t pay any attention.

I was starting to get angry about how on edge Marco suddenly seemed, and a little red flag popped up in my brain as a warning that signaled something was wrong here, although I didn’t need it to know that there was.

“Jean, don't be so rude,” Marco said in a quiet voice that was much less confident than it had been before Jean arrived at the table.

Jean rolled his eyes. “I was only kiddi-”

“I’m gonna go get a soda.” I blurted out suddenly, cutting Jean off, eager to get away from him for a few minutes to sort out my wandering thoughts. I stood up and grabbed a dollar out of my bag and turned to walk towards the vending machine, but I stopped in my tracks when I heard Jean say, “Yo, Jaeger, wait up, I want one, too.”

Before I knew it, Jean was at my side and we were walking to the other side of the cafeteria. My heart was pounding in my chest and my brain was screaming ‘get out of here’ and I didn’t even know why. 

I kept my eyes ahead and anywhere but Jean. 

When we got to the vending machine, I inserted the dollar into it and punched in the number for Fanta. I suddenly felt Jean’s hot breath against the back of my neck. “We could do it again, you know.” He said huskily. I felt every hair on the back of my neck stand straight up and a shiver run up and down my spine. 

“Fuck off, Jean,” I said, waiting for the machine to process my order.

“Come on, Eren,” He whispered softly. He was obviously being subtle because no one had seemed to notice us yet.

The machine spit my dollar back out and before I could, he reached over my side and pushed it back in. I felt like I was pinned against the vending machine and Jean was definitely too close for comfort now. 

“No.” I said sternly and heard my drink fall into the box I was supposed to grab it from. 

“Don’t you want to? You were screaming pretty loudly for me the night of the party,” He said, trying to sound seductive but instead it made me want to scream for help.

“I thought you couldn’t remember anything from that night,” I replied through gritted teeth, not daring to turn around to face him. 

He shrugged. “Yeah, well, neither can you.” He said, a bit too sure of himself. 

I turned to push Jean away from me and leaned down to grab my drink. I pushed past him to go sit down next to Marco again, but Jean caught my wrist in his hand, holding it a bit too tightly.

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. I pulled my wrist away from him forcefully, turning to face him and looking up at him with cold eyes.

“Don’t ever touch me again.” I said sternly. 

He snorted and crossed his arms. “Are you sure you don’t want me to?”

“Hell yeah I’m sure.” I said, my eyes locked on his face. “You’re with Marco, anyways, and even if you weren’t I’d never let you.” 

Jean didn’t even respond to my mention of Marco’s name. 

My fists balled at my sides and I clenched my jaw. “You do love him, right?” I asked.

Jean uncrossed his arms and brought his hand up to the back of his neck, averting his eyes to the right, his lips upturning into a grin so rotten it made me want to vomit.

“Of course I love Marco.”

My fist collided with his jaw faster than my mind told it to and pain coursed from my fist throughout my arm. He fell against the vending machine and stared up at me with wide eyes. The entire cafeteria went silent. 

I was out of there before a teacher had even tried to come figure out what happened.  
➹➷➹➷➹➷

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any questions, comments, feedback, or if you just wanna talk and get to know me, feel free to message/mention me on Twitter at @Erenisthename or @turntechJaeger or  
> send me an ask on Tumblr at http://princey-noah.tumblr.com/ !


	3. Three To Get Ready

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So I know this chapter and the last ones have been pretty short, but that's why I've been publishing them so closely together time wise. 
> 
> Anywhom! This chapter is basically the basis of what is to come.
> 
> I was so happy and surprised to see how many kudos and hits "Nicotine" already has after just being released! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, even though it isn't very lengthy. 
> 
> If you have any questions, comments, feedback, or if you just wanna talk and get to know me, feel free to message/mention me on Twitter at @Erenisthename or @turntechJaeger or  
> send me an ask on Tumblr at http://princey-noah.tumblr.com/ !
> 
> Enjoy!!

Eren

I stayed home from school the next day. My mom was away on a trip to visit family and my dad was never home because of work, and when he was home, he didn't give a shit about what I was doing, so I had no one to stop me from doing so. 

Plus, I had absolutely no motivation to show my face in front of any of my "friends." If they hated me then I bet the incident the day before didn't make them think any better of me. 

However, at this point I was honestly starting to care less and less about how they felt about me, probably because I had finally come to terms with the fact that I would probably never be accepted back into their crowd. But I guess it didn't matter. Even though I royally fucked up, the friends who were still willing to stay by my side were the ones that were truly my friends, and not just some group of fakers that were ready to leave the second you did one thing wrong, or the second you finally began to break and they had to be there to pick up the pieces. But I did have to consider that "the one thing I did wrong" was pretty horrible.

The friends I had left? Marco and Jean, and I would hardly consider Jean my friend, especially not after what happened. 

I sighed and rested my elbows on my kitchen counter, burying my face in my hands and running my fingers through my hair. I hadn't left my house all day in fear of running into someone I knew, and I certainly wasn't planning on it now that school was out for the day. 

I heard my phone vibrate on the coffee table. I groaned and walked over to it, my blood running cold when I saw who was calling me. It was Armin. Why was he calling me? I gulped quietly and accepted the call, pressing my phone against my ear.

"Eren?" His voice was sheepish and small.

“Hey, Armin,” I replied, trying to sound as calm and casual as possible. “What's up..?”

“Nothing much,” he murmured into the phone. “I was just wondering how you were doing...after seeing what you did to Jean yesterday I was worried about you...and you weren't at school today.” 

“Well, I’m doing okay, I guess,” I replied awkwardly, leaning against my kitchen counter.

“Are you sure, Eren? Just because you and I aren't as close as we were before doesn't mean you can't talk to m—”

“You're not my therapist, Armin.” I snapped. “You're right, you and I aren't close anymore so of course I'm not gonna talk to you about things like this.” My fist balled at my side, and suddenly I felt completely overwhelmed with anger and frustration.

I was mad at Armin for trying to act like everything was okay when it obviously wasn't. I was mad at myself for screwing things up so much when I knew I could have avoided it. I was mad at Jean for trying to get into my pants again after everything we'd managed to ruin, for being completely okay with hurting Marco for the god knows which time. I was mad at Marco for staying with Jean, even though all he was was toxic. I was mad at Levi for fucking with my head and wedging his way into my thoughts, driving me fucking insane. I was mad at my old friends for abandoning me like this.

I didn't want to talk about any of this with anyone, especially not Armin. I was not about to get into the details of how I was interested in his boyfriend and how Jean had tried to get me to fuck again.

I almost forgot I was still on the phone with him until I heard him speak again.

“I-I...Eren where did that come from?” I could almost see the hurt on his face and I could definitely hear it in his already frail voice, but at this point, I didn't care anymore. “I know you and I aren't close anymore...but all I'm saying is you can still—”

“Why?” I cut him off again, my voice gradually getting louder. 

“So you can bitch about me to your friends?” I said the words “your friends” as if they were a disease, as if they were never my friends at one point, too. “So you can make me out to be even more of the bad guy and they can give you even more pity?!” 

“Who's fault is it that they've all turned against you and taken my side, Eren?” Armin shot back almost immediately, and I was surprised by the sternness in his voice. 

“Who's fault is it that you're the ‘bad guy’ now? It's not mine. It's not my friends',” Armin went on. Despite the anger in his voice it was still dripping with pain and sadness. “YOU drank. YOU slept with Jean. YOU cheated! YOU ruined your life and our relationship! Not me. Get over yourself, Eren!” 

I gritted my teeth. “Would you quit playing victim all the time?!” I was starting to just ramble out of lack of things to say.

“People cheat on their partners for reasons, Armin,” I continued. “Maybe I was just fucking over you before our relationship even ended!” 

I regretted saying it the second it came out of my mouth, it was a complete lie, but there was no taking it back now. 

I heard Armin take a small, short, shaky breath on the other line.

“Goodbye, Eren.” He said simply, and the line went dead.

I stared at my phone for a moment after he hung up, listening to off-hook tone ring before it finally became completely silent.

➹➷➹➷➹➷

Levi

Before I knew it, Eren was up against the wall with me pressed against him, my fingers tangled in his dark brown hair, both of us out of breath and struggling for air. Our lips fit together like puzzle pieces, and every time we touched both of us were left breathless and wanting more. 

It was official, I was going to hell and dragging Eren down with me. 

➹➷➹➷➹➷

My rather eventful night began with a phone call from Armin.

He was in tears, and his sentences were barely coherent English. Through all his gibberish, I did hear that he had called Eren to ask how he was doing or some shit. They'd apparently gotten into a fight and Eren had said some things that were really out of line. Naturally, I was livid. After Armin hung up, I texted him and asked for Eren's address so I could head over there and give the little bastard a piece of my mind. After a lot of convincing and empty promises stating I would not punch Eren's face in, Armin gave me the address and I began my drive over to his house. 

Of fucking COURSE he had to live on the other side of the goddamn city. God, even the kid’s fucking house annoyed me. 

I parked my car in front of his house and got out, walking toward the door. I hoped his parents weren’t here but at the same time I wanted them to be so they could finally learn how much of a dick their son was. I pounded on his door with a closed fist, not in the mood to be kept waiting to be let in.

After a few long seconds, the door opened and Eren peeked out. The second he saw me, he must have lost two pints of blood from his face and his eyes widened. 

I would’ve found this reaction amusing if I wasn’t in such a shitty mood. I was tired of this kid fucking things up with Armin. 

“Peek-a-boo. Let me the fuck in.” I demanded. Eren was so terrified, he stepped to the side without arguing. What an obedient little mutt. 

I got a close enough look at the place during my quick glance around to see that it was a pigsty; not that I really expected any more from Eren.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, staring at me like I was the lost fuckin’ city of Atlantis. 

“I heard that you and Armin got into an argument an hour or so ago,” I said sharply. “Care to explain?”

“No, actually, I don’t.” He shot back with confidence that even impressed me. There was a challenging gleam in his green eyes that made me want to grab him by the hair and pull him against me. 

“Really now?” I asked, gritting my teeth. Fuck, this little shit was a goddamn hellion. I made a mental note to write his mother an ‘I’m sorry you birthed Satan’ letter after I left.

“Really. It’s none of your fucking business what goes on between him and I.” He replied, narrowing his eyes.

“I think it is my business in some ways. I mean, Armin is my boyfriend.” I purred the last word of the sentence to make sure there was extra emphasis on it. Eren visually flinched and I was glad to have gotten a response from him. I couldn’t help but smirk to myself. 

“It didn’t involve you.” He tried again, anger inching into his voice. 

“Armin still thought it necessary to tell me about it, hun.” I shot back, glaring up at him.

“Maybe Armin should have come here himself instead of sending you to fight his battles for him!” Eren yelled, clenching his fists. 

I stepped forward and grabbed a fistful of Eren’s tee shirt in my hand, slamming him against the wall forcefully, our faces only centimeters apart. Eren’s face was full of fear.

“Pull your head out of your ass for one goddamn second, you stupid brat.” I spat, pulling him closer, glaring right into his eyes. Our noses were almost touching. “Armin didn’t want to hurt your feelings so he told me to come instead. He sure does seem to care for you more than you fucking care for him.” 

Eren glared right back at me and clenched his jaw. “That’s not true! You know nothing about m-”

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Jaeger.” I cut him off. “I fucking know enough. I know that you’re a lying backstabber that cheats behind your boyfriends’ backs after getting white girl wasted at your dumbass high school parties.” 

Eren held my gaze for a second, looking genuinely hurt. I almost opened my mouth to say something else, but suddenly my lips were on his, my chest against his and my fingers threaded in his silky brown locks. My tongue pushed into his mouth and explored it, memorizing his intoxicating taste.

Eren closed his eyes and looped his arms around my waist as if he’d been waiting for this very moment since I arrived. I pushed my hips into Eren’s, eliciting a soft moan from him. It was enough to send shivers up and down my spine. 

I pulled away, almost out of breath. We were both panting like we’d just ran a marathon. 

I let go of his shirt and turned to walk towards the door. 

“C’mon, brat,” I said holding the door open, waiting for him to follow me.

He just stood there dumbfounded, holding a finger to his bottom lip. “Wh-what?”

“I said come on, brat,” I repeated sternly, a smirk threatening to upturn my lips.

“You’re coming with me.”


	4. Four to Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh okay so this is when things start actually happening XD
> 
> So I might decide on updating the fic every Monday. I just started it this week so I've been eager to get a bunch of chapters done XD SO YEAH. Monday.

Eren

Before I knew it, I was sitting in the front seat of Levi's car, miles away from my house. I had no idea where we were, but I was getting a bit worried because it looked like a place someone would drive a dead body out to so they could dump it.

I seemed to be seeing less of the buildings, houses, and over all civilization of Trost, and more countryside and barren fields as Levi kept driving, his dark eyes locked on the road ahead of us. 

“Where are we going?” I asked, tearing my eyes from the window to look at Levi.

“Somewhere,” he replied, his expression unchanging.

I looked back to the window, positive I wasn't going to elicit any answers from him. 

Even though I was curious, the guilt I was feeling about the situation was definitely weighing down any curiosity I had. I didn't know how much I actually wanted Levi until now; and I didn't know if I was more guilty for going along with this or for actually wanting to.

If anyone could write a book on all the different ways you could ruin Armin Arlert's life, it’d be me. 

“Don't be so eager to get there, either,” Levi said, breaking the moment of silence. “It's gonna be a while.”

I let out a sigh and relaxed in my seat. “Can we at least listen to music?”

“If you're picking it? Hell no. I don't want to listen to your shitty teenager music.” Levi snorted.

“How do you know if my taste in music is shitty?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

He shrugged. “I just have a gut feeling. I mean, after seeing your taste in clothing, I don't expect your choice of music to be all that impressive.”

I huffed and crossed my arms. “What's wrong with my clothes?!” 

“You're not even trying.” He rolled his eyes. “You're like a kindergartener.”

After seeing what Levi was wearing, I thought he wasn't trying too hard until I actually eyed Levi's outfit. It was a tight, black, v-neck shirt that I could see his abs through, showing me just how toned he actually was, with blue skinny jeans and converse. After that I realized that Levi didn't necessarily need to try in order look perfect.

“Hey,” Levi snapped his fingers and glared at me. “My eyes are up here.” 

I realized I must have been staring and felt my cheeks heat up. I turned back to the road.

Levi chuckled and smirked, giving me a sidelong glance.  
“Damn, you're gonna be so much fun to mess with.” 

That comment hit me harder than it probably should have. He only viewed me as someone to play with and fuck around with. It shouldn't have hurt me. I was not supposed to be interested in Levi. I would not allow myself to be.

I chewed on my lower lip, looking down at my lap. 

After about an hour, we arrived at our destination. Now I was almost positive this was a place for dumping dead bodies.

I stood before a building that resembled a hotel. Some windows were broken. The old paint covering the building was peeling, revealing old, rotting wood. Why had he taken me here? Levi didn’t seem like the kind of person to hang out in places like this. Then again, I didn't know what kind of person Levi was yet.

I heard Levi sigh as he stepped out of the car to stand next to me. He looked up at the building, and his eyes looked like full of every emotion at once. Mostly pain.

“Come on,” he murmured, walking towards the entrance. 

I followed him reluctantly, nervous about the place I was going to enter.

The door opened with a loud, uninviting creak. Levi stepped inside casually, like he'd been here a million times. Maybe he had been. 

The building did look like a hotel from the inside, it had a lobby and a bar. Well, they resembled a lobby and bar. The place was so run down I could barely tell. 

Levi turned to face me when we got to the stairs.

“If you want, we can leave.” He said, looking at me, his expression free of any deception and his voice without sarcasm. “I don't want to force you into doing anything you don't want to.” 

I realized hadn't really thought about what we were going to do here. 

I had to think for a moment. I had to consider Armin, my former friends, if word of this got out, everyone would hate me even more. But the worst that would happen was Armin would be devastated. I'd already hurt him so much.

Levi's intense eyes were still on me, and he was waiting for an answer.

“...It depends on what we'll be doing.” I replied, chewing on my lower lip.

“What do you think we’ll be doing, brat?” He asked, cocking an eyebrow. “This place was a sex house.”

My eyes must have been like saucers. “A what?!” I demanded.

Levi sighed. “It was a sex house.”

“Why are we at a run down sex house?!”

“I used to work here,” he replied, obviously not wanting to get into the subject.

“You worked here?!” I demanded, my surprise growing by the minute.

“Yes, I did, and I'm not telling you anymore so fucking drop it.” He snapped, quickly regaining his emotionless expression with an exasperated sigh. “Do you want to come or not?” He asked, eyeing me, almost looking nervous to know the answer.

“I..” Yeah, I was surprised, and I didn’t want to hurt Armin anymore than I already had, but now I was more curious than I had been before, and I guess I was in too deep already to back down.

“...Sure. Yeah, I’m coming.” I said.

Levi almost looked grateful, but the soft expression on his face was quickly replaced with a devious smirk.

“Right this way, then.” 

He led me up the stairs. I was a little nervous at first; the stairs were squeaking so loudly under our weight I was afraid we might fall through. I was relieved when we made it to the top unharmed.

Levi walked down a long hallway before arriving at the final door. He took a key out of his pocket and unlocked it, leading me inside. 

The room was gray and dull, with only a bed and a dresser. There was a large window seat next to the dresser that overlooked the forest that surrounded the abandoned building. 

Levi walked over to the window and took a deep breath, looking out. He looked almost childlike in the light the window provided. He turned to look at me. 

“What the hell do you think you're looking at?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh! Uh...” I looked away quickly, bringing a hand up to scratch the back of my neck.

He chuckled and walked towards me. I could already hear my heart beating in my chest. 

He was almost against me now. Our bodies were only centimeters apart.

“I was just screwing with you, don't act so scared,” he purred, tracing small circles into my chest through my tee shirt. 

God, I bet I looked like a tomato.

“You sure screw with me a lot..” I murmured, looking down at him.

Levi shrugged and met my gaze. “What can I say? You’re fun to screw with.”

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. Why was Levi so okay with all of this? Wasn't he worried? Didn't he feel guilty? 

“You alright?” He cocked an eyebrow, looking up at me suspiciously, reading my expression.

“Yeah...I’m fine...It's just...” I sighed, averting my eyes from him. “Armin...” 

I didn't have to finish my sentence for Levi to nod, understanding immediately. 

“Yeah,” he said. “Armin.”

He walked over to the bed and sat down on it. 

“I...I just don't want to hurt him anymore.” I said quietly.

He nodded, crossing one leg over the other. “I understand,” he said, seemingly lost in thought. “It's just...fuck, kid. Ever since I saw you that one day, you've been on my mind.” This must have been hard for him to admit. 

I felt my heart flutter. He felt the same longing for me that I felt for him.

“And when I see something I want, I’m not one to give up on it easily,” he added. 

I could feel my cheeks heat up. I was something he wanted. 

“Well...Maybe...Maybe we should get to know each other before we do anything.” I blurted.

Levi cocked an eyebrow. “Honey, if I get to know you, I might not want to do anything with you. I hate everyone.”

I rolled my eyes. “Come on. I don't want to have sex with someone I don’t even know.” 

Levi stared at me for a second like I had just said three plus three equals seven.

“What?” I asked.

Levi chuckled and shook his head. “Damn, you're weird.” He sighed.

“What's so weird about that?” I asked, tilting my head to the side.

Levi shrugged. “I don't know. I’ve never met anyone who would turn sex down like that. Everyone I've met just wanted to fuck and that was that. There was never any emotions behind it.”

“What about Armin?”

“It's never come up between Armin and I,” he replied. “I'm sure it's not going to any time soon. I’m not necessarily interested in having sex with him yet.”

But he was interested in having sex with me.

“Really?” I asked, getting my hopes up.

“Yeah, really,” he must have seen how hopeful I looked, because he added, “Don't start thinking I'm gonna leave him for you or something just because I wanna be fuckbuddies.”

I had to admit, I was a little hurt by that. He did only want me for the sex and to fuck around with. Why was I disappointed.

“I didn't expect you to.” I replied quietly.

Levi eyed me. “Oh, what the hell?” He stood up and walked over to me again, holding his hand out.

“Hello, I'm Levi Ackerman. Nice to meet you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any questions, comments, feedback, or if you just wanna talk and get to know me, feel free to message/mention me on Twitter at @Erenisthename or @turntechJaeger or  
> send me an ask on Tumblr at http://princey-noah.tumblr.com/ !


	5. Honest Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the last chapter didn't necessarily go how I planned it to....But, I guess that's okay because I like how it turned out! I'm sorry if it was too slow for some of you. I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as I do!!  
> 

_Eren_

Levi drove me home after we left the old sex house that day. He decided to take my idea into consideration about getting to know me. This made me feel pretty special. Levi didn't really seem like he gave just anyone the chance to get close to him, and he was actually willing to give _me_ that chance. I knew I shouldn't have been happy about it. I always had to remember to remind myself that Levi was with Armin and not me, and he had made it quite clear that he and I wouldn't be together any time soon. I was already sabotaging Armin's relationship enough as it was, so I knew I had to keep myself at least a little restrained when I was around Levi.

Before he left my house, he grabbed a napkin and pen out of the center console of his car and wrote down an address. He handed it to me. 

"Here," he handed me the napkin. "Meet me here tomorrow around noon," he had said. 

"Why?" I asked, eyeing him and taking the napkin. 

Levi shrugged. "If we're gonna get to know each other we should start spending more time together."

I felt my heart flutter in my chest. Levi was actually serious about wanting to get to know me, and he wanted to spend more time with me. I nodded as casually as I could and pocketed the napkin. "All right."

"All right. Now, get your ass out of my car and into your house before I change my mind about all of this." Levi said, gesturing to my house. 

I couldn't hide the smile that was already upturning my lips as I opened the door of Levi's car and stepped out to walk back to my house. Levi waited until I'd gotten to the sidewalk to drive away. I watched his car get smaller and smaller as it got further away from my house. Once I got inside my house, I collapsed onto the couch with a loud, happy sigh. I pulled the napkin out of my pocket and read the address over and over again, my anticipation for the following day growing by the second. Luckily, the street the place was on wasn't too far away, so I could just walk there. I was just hoping it wasn't another sex house or something like that. 

My mind wandered back to why Levi had worked at that place, and that got me thinking about how I really didn't know a lot about Levi. I recalled that after I'd asked Levi why he had worked there, his expression got defensive and his voice sharp. It obviously wasn't a happy story and not something he wanted to talk about.

I must have fallen asleep on my couch after a while, because the last thing I remembered about that day was thinking of Levi and staring up at the ceiling before my world became black and I fell into a deep, comfortable sleep.

* * *

 

I woke up the next morning in a haze. I yawned quietly and rolled over to grab my phone off of the coffee table, my peaceful state of mind immediately dissipating when I saw what time it was. I turned it on and nearly screamed. It was 11:30, and Levi told me to meet him at noon. I jumped off of the couch and ran into my room, sifting through my dresser and picking out a gray v-neck tee shirt and some jeans. I stripped down and changed, rushing into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I examined myself in the mirror. I still looked sleepy, and my hair was a mess. After brushing my teeth, I attempted to tame the beast that was my hair, but to no avail. Oh well, I guessed Levi would just have to deal with my hair from hell. I grabbed my black hoodie, reaching for the doorknob when I heard my adopted sister, Mikasa's voice behind me. 

"Where are you going?" She asked suspiciously. 

Oh shit. She knew I barely had any friends left to hang out with and hated leaving the house on the weekends.

I turned to face her, trying to hide my nervousness. She knew Armin was with Levi now. If she found out I was going to meet him, I'd be fucked.

"Nowhere." I replied as casually as I possibly could.

Mikasa raised an eyebrow, resting a hand on her hip and leaning to the side. "It sure seems like you're in a pretty big rush for going nowhere," She stated, examining me.

I glanced at the clock behind her. 11:50. 

"Yeah, well, I'd like to get there soon." I said, looking back to her.

"Are you meeting someone?" She asked. 

I sighed quietly. "Mikasa, do me a favor and loosen the leash, please. I'm seventeen-years-old, I can handle myself by now."

Her eyes narrowed, full of suspicion, and she waved her hand at me dismissively. "Fine, just be careful."

And with that, I rushed out the door without another word.

After I got out of the house, I rushed to the garage because I'd realized there wasn't enough time for me to walk anymore, but my father was gone, along with his car, and my mother took Mikasa's. Wow, I really needed to save up for my own car.

So, my only option now was to run all the way there. 

By the time I finally arrived at my destination, it was 12;05. I was out of breath and ready for a nap. Levi was waiting outside for me. He was wearing a black leather jacket and a charcoal button up, with a dark red scarf that reminded me of Mikasa's around his neck, and black jeans. He checked his watch and shot me a sidelong glare, clearly not amused. "You're late."

"By five minutes," I managed between pants. "Cut me some slack." 

He led me inside. It was a small, cozy, two story bookstore with a coffee shop in the corner. I'd driven past this place on my way to school with Mikasa a few times, but I never paid any mind to it. It seemed so familiar, like when you finally get home after a long trip; although this shop was much warmer and inviting than home was. There were a few tables scattered around here and there, with more bookshelves which were on the second floor that overlooked the first one. The thing that made the coffee shop interesting to me was the books. They were all wrapped in brown paper with a ribbon tied on each of them. The paper covered the books' covers and titles. There was just a brief summation of the story written on the front. Levi must have noticed how transfixed I was on the place, because I heard him chuckle softly beside me. 

"Do you like it?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yeah...it's really nice." I replied, looking over at him. "Do you come here a lot?" 

Levi nodded, running his fingers along the front of one of the books on the shelf in front of us. "Yeah," he said, seemingly lost in thought. He seemed a lot more relaxed here than he was anywhere else I'd seen him, more at home.

"I never really pictured you as someone who liked to read." I said softly. 

"Well, I come here almost everyday, considering the fact that I work here." He turned to face me completely. "But even if I didn't work here I'd probably come for the same amount of time. I love reading," He said, turning back to the bookshelf, his eyes brighter than I'd ever seen them before. "It takes you somewhere else, turns you into someone else. Plus, I like books more than people," he added, smiling to himself. "Books can't lie to you or abandon you. They can end, but you can always reread them and revisit the same memories the same way they were before." 

I blinked, shocked Levi was so passionate about something. 

He glanced at me, noticing the surprise on my face. "Consider that the first fact about me," he rolled his eyes, turning to walk towards the coffee shop. "C'mon, let's get some coffee." 

He led me to the counter, where a short girl with bright green eyes and reddish brown hair tied into two pigtails was currently working. She flashed Levi the brightest smile I'd ever seen. "Hey, Levi!" She exclaimed. "What brings you here on your day off?" She leaned against the counter.

"Hey, Isabel. I was just showing this little shit where I worked." He replied, a smirk on his lips. 

I was about to call Levi out for calling me a little shit when Isabel held her hand out to me. "Hi, Little Shit. I'm Isabel, it's nice to meet you." She giggled.

I took her hand and shook it. "My name's not Little Shit," I mumbled, trying to hide my embarrassment, but I was pretty sure it was very obvious it was there because my cheeks were already heating up. "My name is Eren."

She shrugged and dropped my hand, hopping up onto the counter to sit down. 

"I think Little Shit suits you," She laughed. 

Levi nodded. "I agree. Isabel how many times have you been told not to sit on the counter?" 

Isabel waved her hand dismissively at him and rolled her eyes. "No one's even here, you party pooper." She eyed me before adding, "Did you drop that blonde kid for this one?" Part of me was jealous that Armin had been here too, that I wasn't special enough for Levi to have shown me the place first.

The breath almost left my lungs. 

"No, I didn't," Levi glared at her. "Eren is just a friend."

I guess I shouldn't have been too disappointed. At least Levi and I were on friend terms; but being friend-zoned didn't necessarily feel amazing.

"That's a shame." Isabel shrugged. "This one seems a lot more interesting than the other one." She obviously wasn't good with names.

"If by interesting you mean loud and oblivious, you're right on fucking point." Levi snorted.

"Hey, I'm not that loud!" I interjected, trying to keep my voice down. 

Levi rolled his eyes. "Maybe when pigs fly. Anyways, are you gonna get us our damn coffee or what?"

Isabel hopped off of the counter. "What do you two want?"

"I'll have a chai tea latte." He said simply, glancing at me.

I felt like a deer in headlights because I hated coffee, and I knew I'd sound ridiculous in front of Levi if I said so. "I...uh...Do you have hot chocolate?"

"Way to think outside the box," Levi muttered under his breath.

I rubbed at the blush I knew was coloring my cheeks.

Isabel grinned and nodded. "Yes, do you want it kids' temp. or regular?" Okay, now she was just fucking with me. 

"Regular." I sighed. This is why I should not be allowed in public. 

She rang up our order and Levi handed her the money. "All right-y! Coming right up!" She hurried to the back to get our orders started.

"You didn't have to pay," I told Levi as we sat down at a table. "I can pay you b-"

"Can it, Jaeger." He cut me off, rolling his eyes. "It was my idea, so I'm paying." He obviously wasn't going to change his mind.

"All right," I said, my eyes scanning the room. I noticed there were a few paintings of the Eiffel Tower and France throughout the place, along with postcards from Paris and signs in French. 

"I grew up in France," Levi said suddenly, noticing my wandering eyes. "I suggested that we put some French decorations up to tie the place together to the owner, and she agreed."  
  
"I think it looks nice." I said softly, still taking the whole place in. 

"Yeah, me too." He agreed, tapping his fingers against the tabletop. "Well, you want to get to know me, so, ask away. That doesn't mean I'll answer everything, though."

I nodded. "Okay. Well, firstly, why did you work at that sex house?" I asked, looking back at Levi. 

His body tensed and his dark eyes became guarded. "Let's just say the person I was affiliated with at the time wasn't necessarily a great person." By the way he said that sentence, I could tell he must have been romantically involved with them.

"Who were they?" I asked, hoping I wasn't overstepping any boundaries. 

He appraised me closely, as if he was deciding to trust me or not. "His name was Erwin Smith," he replied after a while. "He...he wasn't a good person to be with." So it was romantic. "He got me into a lot of bad things that fucked me up. The scars he gave me are definitely not fading any time soon." 

Isabel walked over to us and set our drinks down in front of us. I murmured a small "thank you" before she returned to the counter.

"...Why are the books here covered?" I decided to change the subject for Levi's sake.

His eyes softened and he took a sip from his drink. "Well," he started, setting his cup down. "We call them 'Blind Dates'. If you don't know what you wanna read, just read the summary and decide if you wanna buy it or not. It helps people not judge books by their covers. There are some uncovered books upstairs, but the Blind Dates are what make us different from most bookstores." 

"I really like that." I smiled, eliciting a shrug from Levi.

"Anything to get us business." But I could tell the whole idea meant a lot more to him. He'd probably been judged by his cover for a long time. 

I took a drink from my hot chocolate. "What's your favorite book?"

"Oh, God. As if I could ever choose one. There are way too many."

"Favorite author?"

"Damn, kid, stop making me choose favorites."

"All right, all right," I held my hands up in mock defense. "How old are you?"

"Twenty." He answered. "But my birthday is in two months. On Christmas."

"It must be cool having your birthday on Christmas." I took another drink of cocoa. 

"Says everyone but people with birthdays on Christmas." He rolled his eyes. "I just get overlooked more than I already am, you know, with having to share a birthday with Jesus and all that jazz."

"Well, you sure are optimistic." I replied sarcastically.

He chuckled. "Yep, I'm just a big ball of fuckin' sunshine."

No matter how much I wanted to avoid the subject, my mind kept bringing me back to it. "What was Erwin like?"

Levi gripped his cup of tea before answering me in a tight voice. "He was wonderful until I found out who he actually was." He looked up at me with eyes hard as rock. "Don't trust a pretty face, Eren. The most beautiful smiles hide the ugliest lies."

I froze slightly at that, averting my eyes from Levi's face. Levi glanced at his watch before standing up and tossing his cup into the trash can. "Well, I have class in thirty minutes. So I guess it's time for us to part ways for the day, brat." 

A little disappointed, I stood up as well. "I had a good time."

"Hey, so did I." He said, a genuine gleam in his eyes. "It's gonna be nice having someone new to spend my Saturday afternoons with."

I knew I blushed at that, so I hid my face by taking a sip of my hot chocolate. I was someone he'd be spending his Saturday afternoons with. 

He rolled his eyes before heading towards the door, waving goodbye to Isabel. "See you later, kid." He grinned, then left. 

My eyes lingered on him as he walked away for a moment before Isabel's voice caught my attention. "Hey, Little Shit, come over here." She said.

I sighed and walked over to her. "What is it?"

"I'm gonna let you in on a little secret." She said, lowering her voice as if Levi was still in the room. "I saw the way he was looking at you. He looked at you like he looks at art and books. That's when you know you're special to him." 

I felt my heart stutter in my chest, and my face must have been as red as a tomato. Isabel laughed and waved at me. "I'll see you soon, Eren." She smiled. 

I mumbled something that sounded like "you too" before turning to walk out the door.

I saw the way he looked at the books, and honestly, I had no idea anyone had the capability of looking at someone else with that much admiration. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any questions, comments, feedback, or if you just wanna talk and get to know me, feel free to message/mention me on Twitter at @Erenisthename or @turntechJaeger or  
> send me an ask on Tumblr at http://princey-noah.tumblr.com/ !


	6. Hot Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOSH OKAY SO I FUCKING LOVE THIS CHAPTER OH MY GOSH.
> 
> Okay, so, this chapter is when things REALLY start happening. Like important shit. I really hope you enjoy it as much as me!
> 
> ALSO! If you want to listen to the song that Levi had played for Eren, it's Fantasia on Greensleeves (my all time FAVORITE PIECE OF CLASSICAL MUSIC) 
> 
> Aaaand the song that Eren was arguing with Levi about is obviously Can You Feel My Heart by Bring Me The Horizon. I actually really like it fuCK OFF, LEVI!
> 
> And the official day of updates is....Mondays! So I'll be publishing new chapters every Monday from now on. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you like it as much as I do!  
> 

_Levi_

 

"Bring Me The Horizon." Eren said, eyeing me.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Do you really expect me to take your music taste seriously when you just told me that Bring Me The- _fucking_ -Horizon is your favorite rock band?" I rolled my eyes, taking a sip of my tea and setting the mug back down on the table. "Are you a thirteen-year-old entering his emo phase or something?"

Eren laughed and rolled his eyes right back. "They're great, you dick!"

I shook my head. "They're literally the most overrated rock band right now."

Eren stared at me like I'd just kicked a puppy. "Oh, come on. They are not overrated."

"They really are," I replied, a smirk teasing my lips.

"Haven't you ever heard Can You Feel My Heart by them?!" Eren was practically yelling now, and I was beginning to think he was taking what I was saying a bit too seriously.

"Oh _my god_. You _did not_ just ask me that question."

" _What?!_ " He demanded.

"You just asked me if I've heard the most overrated song by the most overrated band." I laughed.

"Name three rock bands that are better than Bring Me The Horizon." Eren crossed his arms and huffed.

"Honey, I can name five." I rolled my eyes, cocking my eyebrow and studying Eren. I was just trying to mess with him at this point.

"Prove it." He replied, a challenging gleam in his murky, green eyes.

"Metallica, The White Stripes, Rage Against The Machine, Led Zeppelin, The Doors, practically every other fuckin' rock band." I answered, holding up a finger each time I named off a band.

Eren wrinkled his nose, shaking his head, looking mildly offended. "Those are all old bands, from like the 70s and 80s. I do like Metallica though."

"Did you just discover rock music yesterday?" I rolled my eyes and took a long swig from my tea. "Of course they're all old bands. Rock is shit nowadays."

Eren and I had been meeting up every Saturday at noon for the past 3 weeks. In that time, I had discovered that Eren's music taste was completely inferior to mine, that he was into dorky science fiction movies and shitty fantasy video games and book series, that he tilted his head to the side like a god damn puppy every time he asked a question, that he had pretty serious anger problems (which made it especially fun to mess with him) and that he could talk about The Percy Jackson series for hours on end. Surprisingly, I began to enjoy my time with him. All of his ridiculous little quirks-and there were a lot-happened to be oddly endearing. Normally someone like Eren would piss me off and make me go batshit fucking crazy but Eren was different for some reason.

“Whatever.” Eren huffed. “What about Pierce The Veil and Sleeping With Sirens?”

“Wow, you really are a little emo kid aren’t you?” I laughed.

“I am not! I was just asking!” His face was turning red and he brought a hand up to his cheek to rub at the blush that had begun forming.

“Calm down, kid, don't take it so personally.” I smirked and stirred my tea nonchalantly. “Believe it or not, rock isn’t my favorite genre of music. I prefer classical over anything else.”

“That’s pretty boring.” Wow, this kid sure did speak his fucking mind.

“Have you even listened to any classical music since your fifth grade teacher made you?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Well...not really...I dunno, it’s just never really appealed to me, I guess.” He shrugged. “I like louder music.”

“There can be loud classical songs. People fuckin’ shred on the violin.” I joked, earning a small laugh from Eren. “But seriously. You should consider listening to more. I actually play the piano.”

“You do?” If he had cat's ears, they would've perked up. “I'd love to hear you play it some time.”

“Do you expect me to play Can You Feel My Heart on it or some shit? I thought you didn't like classical music.” I smirked, a challenging gleam in my eye.

“Well...I’m sure I’ll like it if you're the one playing it.” He replied, taking a drink of his hot chocolate.

“...Very well. Maybe you can come over to my place some time.”

Eren was definitely blushing now. “Really..?”

“Yeah. Really. But don't think I'm gonna fuck you over my piano or something.”

“I never said that’s what I thought you were gonna do!” Eren was as red as a tomato, and he was shaking his head.

I laughed. “Fucking with you is becoming too easy. I thought you'd have gotten used to it by now.”

Eren was still recovering from his little episode, and he was looking anywhere but at me. “Damn, you're so blunt..”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” I rolled my eyes and stood up. “You coming?”

“Where are we going?” Eren frowned, studying me questioningly.

“To my house.” I replied like he was a third grader.

“R-Right.” He tossed his cup of hot chocolate in the trash and joined me as I walked out the door and towards my apartment building.

I kept my hands in my pockets and tightened my coat around me, letting out a breath that I could see in the brisk autumn air. Eren followed behind me, as if he was too afraid to walk next to me. I glanced behind me. Eren had his sparkling eyes on the fiery orange leaves on the trees that were beginning to turn brown. Eren looked at everything like he was a child, curiosity dripping from his stare as if he was seeing the world for the first time. I found myself loving the way he looked at the world, and sometimes wondered if he looked at me that way, too. Then I remembered that I shouldn't care. I was with Armin. I would not be falling for Eren Jaeger anytime soon. 

Eren caught my gaze and offered me a small smile, a soft breeze ruffling his chocolaty brown hair. I quickly looked away and kept my eyes on the road in front of me, taking a deep breath of the chilly autumn air. Fall was my favorite season. I loved the changing of the leaves, how the temperature was never too hot or too cold, how in between everything was. I kept my hands in my pockets until we finally arrived at my apartment. I led Eren into the lobby and towards the elevator. I pressed the button to the top floor and stepped into the elevator, leaning against the wall with a sigh. Eren walked in after me. 

We stood and waited in comfortable silence until we made it to the top floor. I stepped out and walked to the end of the hallway where my room was. I reached into my back pocket and unlocked the door, letting Eren inside. 

* * *

 

_Eren_

Levi's apartment was filled with gray and black hues, almost no sign of bright colors whatsoever. In front of Levi's couch, there was a small, brick fire place and a flat screen TV mounted over it. I made my way over to the large window that overlooked the small city of Trost, with the skyline of New York in the distance creeping into my view. The afternoon sun cast a bright yellow glow onto the city. 

"Are you coming?" I turned around to see Levi leaning against the hallway's door frame, his arms crossed and his eyebrow raised expectantly. 

"Oh..yeah." I smiled and nodded, walking over to the hallway to join him.

Levi led me into the room at the end of the hallway. He opened the door and stepped inside to see a small, dark room with a large grand piano in the middle of it. Levi sat down at the bench, taking a deep breath and tracing his long fingers along the clean, white, keys with a distant look in his eyes. 

I sat down on the other end of the piano, looking down at Levi. I couldn't tell if he was uncomfortable or not. Maybe he has stage fright, but honestly, it didn't seem like Levi was afraid of anything. "You don't have to play if you don't want to," I blurted. 

Levi looked up at me with another sigh. "It's fine. I want to. I haven't played in a long time." His voice sounded flat, and he still had that look in his eyes, like he was looking across the ocean, trying to make out what waited on the other side. The way he said the words didn't reassure me that he was actually okay with playing for me, but I decided not to push him. 

Levi took another deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment before his fingers found the keys again.

I closed my eyes.

The song started slow, the music sounding almost as distant as his eyes looked. It eventually picked up into a rhythm that blended perfectly, the high notes and low notes of the song working together in perfect harmony. The notes rose and fell, starting out soft and began building up at some points, only to fall back into its slow and steady rhythm again. After a while it shifted into an anxious and eerie state full of discomfort, but soon began to regain some of its original, hopeful sound. It became painfully slow for a moment, and then regained its original rhythm, but stronger and more confident sounding than it was before, the high and low notes falling into each other and somehow blending perfectly together. The song gave me a sense of comfort, familiarity and longing I'd never felt before, and the fact that Levi was playing it...I held back a shudder, but I knew there were goosebumps formed on my arms. When I heard the music end, I opened my eyes to face Levi once more. His cold eyes had somehow warmed, looking as if a layer of ice coating them had melted, leaving a brighter and more lively shade of blue in place of his dark, frozen hues that had once inhabited the space. 

I kept my eyes locked on his, feeling myself leaning forward until my lips were pressed against his. The crazy part was that he didn't even try to pull away. I leaned in even more, eventually sliding off the top of the piano and into his lap, accidentally hitting some of the piano keys on my way down. I felt Levi's arm slide around my waist, and I moved to straddle his lap. I looped my arms around his neck and pressed my chest against his, closing my eyes and tilting my head into the kiss, deepening it even more.

His tongue slide across my lower lip, and I opened my mouth wider, allowing him access. His tongue explored my mouth as he pushed a hand into my pants to rub light circles into my hip, teasing me. It was enough to get a moan out of me. I knew I was blushing like crazy, but at this point, it didn't matter to me. Nothing did. Not Armin, not Jean, no one. Nothing. Nothing except that moment, that kiss. No one except Levi and I. It was as if time slowed down and the entire world disappeared to leave Levi and I alone, even if it was just for a brief moment. I felt like I was floating, walking on air to somewhere else, somewhere I could be alone and at peace with Levi. Where no one cared if him and I were kissing, where I could listen to Levi play his piano for me forever. I could still hear the soft music ringing in my ears, lulling me into a state of peace. 

I rolled my hips against Levi's eliciting a grunt from him. He dug his nails into my hip. I gasped softly into his mouth, the pain hurting me and bringing me pleasure all at once. My head was spinning. I leaned back against the piano, Levi's lips pulling away from mine. He planted soft, hot kisses against my neck and I tilted my head back, granting him more access. He left kisses down my neck all the way to my collarbone. His teeth caught hold of it and he bit down. I ran my hands up his back and dug my fingernails into his shoulders. He ran his free hand down my side and palmed at my erection through my pants, causing me to let out a loud moan and drag my fingernails down Levi's back.

I was positive I had left marks. Levi gasped softly, pressing down even harder on my pants and causing me to squirm. Levi tugged on my skin before sucking on it, reaching further into my pants to run his fingertips up and down the inside of my thigh. I dug my fingernails into his lower back, my breath hitching in my throat. My mind was clouded with lust, the only word I could speak was Levi's name as I cried it out, wanting more.

Levi pulled away from my skin. I was sure he'd left a mark, but I didn't care. "Eren," he muttered softly, his hot breath causing me to shudder, "we can't do this. Not here." I moved to face him again. "If we're going to do this...it has to be special." He moved his hand to cup my cheek in his hand, gazing right into my eyes. "It has to be special, because  _you're_ special. To me." He murmured, rubbing my cheek with his thumb gently. "Okay?"

I was at such a loss for words. I gazed into his dark, blue eyes and found myself nodding, not wanting to look away. Levi's eyes reminded of the night sky, dusted with stars, sparkling eternally. If I looked close enough, I could see that there were clusters of stars, and eventually I saw galaxies that had been formed inside of his vast, never ending eyes. I was lost in space, he'd sucked me in. I was okay with it. I was fine with being an astronaut if the galaxies I'd be exploring were his. I would count every star I could find if I had to if it meant I was able to be with him, if I was able to explore the galaxies in his eyes forever. 

He was still looking into my eyes, not so much as waiting for an answer, but maybe he was exploring my eyes as deeply as I was exploring his. That's when I realized what Isabel had meant about the way he looked at me. He looked at me like I was an open book, like he was reading between the lines to make sure he read every last word. My eyes didn't leave his as I found myself nodding and whispering one word to him, like speaking that one word to him would ensure I would forever be able to gaze into his galactic eyes full of so much more than I thought there was when I'd first met him. That one word that started everything between him and I, good and bad, the highs and lows, the roller coaster I would forever be willing to ride if I got to have Levi in the end. Levi as my own, not Armin's; not anyone else. 

"Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alsoooo, I got a Tumblr! Yay, another way you can talk to me! XD
> 
> If any of you wonderful people post anything about Nicotine on Tumblr, make sure you tag the post with #ereri fic: nicotine so I will be able to see it~! 
> 
> If you have any questions, comments, feedback, or if you just wanna talk and get to know me, feel free to message/mention me on Twitter at @Erenisthename or @turntechJaeger or  
> send me an ask on Tumblr at http://princey-noah.tumblr.com/ !


	7. Seven Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! Happy Wednesday! Sorry this update is a little late! I wrote the chapter but then the entire thing got deleted. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you guys like this chapter! 
> 
> Also, thank you guys SO MUCH for reading this fic and leaving comments and kudos! It means a lot. 
> 
> I'll leave some notes at the end of this chapter about where you can reach me! 
> 
> And don't forget I'll be tracking this fic on Tumblr under #ereri fic: nicotine in case any of you wonderful people post anything about it. 
> 
> Enjoy!!!!!!

Eren

I had gotten used to waking up in Levi's bed. It's where I'd woken up every morning for the past week. The smell of Levi's soft sheets and the feeling of his body pressed against mine had become so familiar-too familiar. We hadn't done anything yet-he mainly invited me over every night around nine or ten to come over and we'd have Chinese food or Pizza. Sometimes he'd asked me to come over as late as twelve or one in the morning to avoid anyone catching us. Whenever I asked him why he wanted me to come over, he always replied with, "Sleeping without you is starting to get too hard."

Neither of us ever brought Armin up, unless Levi needed to tell me he was with him before he could see me. Other than that, he never came up in any of our conversations. I assumed this was because Levi and I both felt too guilty to discuss the topic. But if Levi felt guilty about the whole thing, he did a good job at hiding it. In fact, he did such a good job that sometimes I wondered if he even cared how much potential damage we were doing to Armin.

Part of me didn't care if Armin found out. 'So what if Armin finds out? He already hates me. So do all of my old friends. What do I have to lose?' Every time I thought that way, I felt the urge to punch myself in the face. I didn't have anything to lose, but Armin did. His trust, his happiness...How could I ever feel that way when it came to Armin? Armin used to be my best friend, and my boyfriend. This was the boy my mom used to bathe with me, the boy I'd had my first kiss with, the boy who was at every family gathering of mine, the boy who knew all of my secrets, and I knew all of his. How could I ever be willing to hurt him that badly to get what I want? How could the thing that I wanted be his boyfriend? How could I be that selfish? Why didn't I understand that in order to keep the people you love happy, you have to swallow your pride and discard your own happiness at times? Maybe I was no better than Jean after all...

I woke up to Levi's slender arms looping around my waist, pulling me closer to him. He pressed his forehead against the nape of my neck, then gently dusting small kisses against it. "Are you awake?" He asked softly. I could feel his hot breath against my skin. It sent shivers up my spine, causing me to shudder.

"I am now," I replied, opening my eyes and squinting at the lazy glow the sun cast on the room.

“Good, because you have school in an hour.” Levi replied, making me groan.

“Can’t I just stay home with you today?” I asked, rolling over to face him and causing him to shift.

He shook his head. “I have school too, you know. Plus, we’ll be seeing each other again tonight.”

I groaned again. Levi rolled his eyes and got out of bed, pulling his shirt off as he made his way over to his dresser. “Get out of bed. I woke you up early so we could go get some coffee. Well, so I could get some coffee and you could get your shitty hot chocolate."

I sat up. “We don't have to..” I said through a yawn. I tried my best to look away from Levi, not only because he had an amazing body and I could already feel my cheeks heating up, but because he wasn’t mine to look at. I got out of bed and stretched.

"Of course we don't have to." Levi pulled his shirt on. "But I want to, so we're going to." He smirked, eyeing me as I slid my shirt off. Levi obviously had no problem with looking at me.

"Plus," Levi purred, his eyes still on me, "there's someone I want you to meet."

"Who is it?" I asked, grabbing a shirt to change into.

"If I wanted you to know at the moment, I would tell you." He answered, turning back to his dresser.

"You're so difficult." I huffed.

Levi snickered. "I've just been hanging around you too much. Now hurry up."

* * *

I couldn't get Armin off of my mind and I couldn't stop beating myself up because of how selfishly I'd been thinking. I stared out the window on the car ride to the bookstore, Wings, looking everywhere but at Levi.

I could always reassure myself in one way, though. If anyone was going to get attached, it'd be me. I was positive Levi was only keeping me around for the hell of it. I wanted to bring it up with him, badly. I always stopped myself before I worked up the courage.

The thought of Levi hurting me like that made me cringe. Levi wasn't necessarily the nicest person, but would he really do that to someone? To me? Why did it matter if it was me? I didn't think I meant much to him. I especially didn't mean more to him than Armin did. I thought I knew why, too. Armin was smart, and funny, and graceful, while I was a fucking moron who was loud and could hardly control my emotions. I would've wanted someone like Armin over someone like me anyday. I leaned my head against the window, staring at the windshield ahead of me.

After a while, Levi parked his car in front of Wings, pulling the key out of the ignition and looking over at me. "Okay, brat, we have to make this quick because you have school soon."

My voice couldn't have been louder than a whisper. "Okay."

Levi eyed me and I could see his gaze soften out of the corner of my eye. "Are you all right, Eren?"

I nodded, looking over at him but avoiding his eyes entirely. "Yeah, I'm all right."

Levi held his stare for a while longer before nodding and stepping out of his car. I knew he knew I was lying. Levi could probably see through every lie I ever told him, but he must have decided not to push it.

I followed him inside of the store, where I was greeted with a gust of warm air and the smell of fresh coffee beans, the exact warmth and smell I'd gotten so familiar with. I noticed a woman standing behind the counter next to Isabel. She was pretty tall, with red/brown hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. The second she saw me, she gave me the biggest, brightest grin I'd ever seen in my entire life. She hopped over the counter and ran (charged like a fucking animal) over to me.

She grabbed me by the shoulders, her grin becoming even more crazed by the second, if that was even possible. "You must be Eren! Wow, what pretty eyes you have!" She exclaimed. I stared at her with wide eyes.

"I am being so rude," She laughed, releasing me and holding a hand out to me. "I'm Hanji. Nice to meet you!"

I reluctantly took her hand. "Eren."

Hanji shook my hand rather harshly, and I was pretty sure she was going to rip my arm off.

"Levi talks about you constantly. 'Eren this, Eren that'. It's actually kind of cu-"

Levi cleared his throat and glared at her. "Jesus fucking Christ, enough, please, you're starting to give me a headache. And I'm pretty sure you're scaring the shit out of him." Levi gestured at me lazily.

Hanji frowned. "I'm just excited to meet him! All you ever do is blabber on and on about him!" She turned to face me again, the smile returning to her face. "Levi and I have been best friends for ages."

"Best friends?" I asked, studying her. "You don't seem like the kind of person Levi would be best friends with." I inwardly cursed myself for thinking out loud.

If Hanji was offended in any way, she didn't show it. She clapped me on the back, probably meaning to be gentle but I'm sure I heard something crack. "I haven't heard that one before!" She laughed, and then leaned in closer to me. "I'm surprised Levi introduced me to you. You must be pretty important to him. I guess you could say I embarrass him a bit."

"Good guess, Hanji." Levi was glaring daggers at Hanji.

Hanji frowned and crossed her arms. "Jeez, Levi! Don't be such a party pooper! I'm sure Eren is excited to meet me! Right, Eren?"

"Huh?! Oh, yeah, sure.." I replied hesitantly, feeling a bit cornered. Of course I was excited to meet Hanji, and I was ecstatic to know that Levi was introducing me to his friends. I was just afraid that if I admitted that, Levi would be even more pissed than he already was.

"See?" Hanji grinned. "Nothing to worry about."

Levi sighed, looking over at the clock. "Congratu-fucking-lations, but Eren has to get to school in thirty minutes, so can we hurry this up, please?"

Hanji rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, sure. Isabel, make Levi his old man coffee and Eren his kids' temp hot chocolate."

"I don't want it kids' temperature!" I practically yelled.

Hanji laughed. "No need to throw a temper tantrum."

I crossed my arms and muttered, averting my eyes away from Hanji out of embarrassment. 

A few minutes later, Isabel walked over to Levi and I and handed us our drinks, a big grin on her face. "Have a good day at school, Eren."

I returned her smile. "I'll certainly try."

"See you guys later." Hanji giggled, making her way over to the counter.

Levi and I made our way outside and back to Levi's car. He had his hands shoved into his coat pockets and his scarf covering his mouth. When we got to his car, he opened the passenger door for me. 

"Thanks." I flashed him a smile.

"Don't mention it." He smirked.

"So," I said once Levi had gotten in the car and began driving, "why did you introduce me to Hanji?"

It had started raining. The infinite droplets of rain rolled down the windshield, only to be wiped away by the windshield wipers before they ever made their way to the bottom. It was kind of sad, actually. The rain had been through so much, only to be wiped away without so much as a blink of an eye.

Levi shrugged. "Why not? I wanted you to meet people I care about." 

I tapped my fingers against the center console. "Why?"

"Because you're important to me. Why else?"

I had to stop myself from gasping. "I'm..important to you?"

"Yeah, is that so hard to believe?" He glanced over at me, an eyebrow raised questioningly. 

"Well...I don't know, I guess it is.." I stammered, my thoughts jumbling together, tying themselves in knots. 

"Is it hard to believe because of Armin?" He asked, his tone becoming icy. 

My mind went blank, and my eyes widened. "I..I just..didn't know I meant anything to you.." I kept my eyes on the road ahead of us, afraid to look at Levi. 

"Why, Eren? After all the things we've done together? I ask you to sleep at my house, I've shown you the place I love being at the most, I've introduced you to my friends." 

"I just thought.." I chewed on my lower lip nervously."..Maybe you were just keeping me around for the hell of it..that you didn't actually care for me like I care for you.."

"You think I'm _u_ _sing_ you?!" Levi snapped, looking over at me. "What makes you think I'd use you? Is it because I'm dating Armin? I know what it's like to be fucking used, Eren. I know what it's like to have one little sliver of hope that makes you think, 'huh, maybe I mean something finally. Maybe I'm enough for once, maybe I'm worth it, maybe I mean more to this person than anyone else." He laughed bitterly. "I know what its like to have that one sliver of hope keep you from drowning for a while, to have it keep you out of a dark place where only you and your demons exist, only to have it pulled out from under you, drowning you all fucking over again."

I stared at him, wide-eyed. How could I have known that Levi knew what it was like..? Maybe Erwin had something to do with it. A look of pain flashed across Levi's face. "If I know how much it hurts, why would I hurt someone else like that?" He asked. 

"Levi..I...I didn't mean..-"

"And how exactly do you care for me, Eren? Romantically? Are you in love with me? Do you want to ride off into the sunset with me? Or are you just obsessed with the possibility of me boning you?" Levi asked, his voice sharp.

"That's not the kind of person I am, Levi!"

"Well that's the kind of person you must think _I_ am." Levi rolled his eyes, pulling into my school's parking lot, away from all of the other students' cars. "I am not keeping you around for the hell of it. From the second I saw you and your stupid grin and ocean green eyes I was fucking hooked, and I feel fucking stupid for allowing myself to tangle myself up in someone who I can never have again." 

I stared at him, blood rushing to my cheeks. I never knew he felt like that about me. The entire time I'd been under the impression that he was manipulating my feelings for his own amusement. I'd made him out to be the bad guy when really he was just as transfixed with me as I was with him. Maybe I didn't know him as well as I thought I did.

"I'm sorry, Levi! How could I have known that? You don't come across to people as the nicest person in the world! Of course I would think you'd be okay with hurting other people without feeling remorse!" I gritted my teeth. I was angry at myself for accusing Levi of things that weren't true, and believing my accusations for even a second. I was angry at Levi for not opening up to me, for making me think what I thought was true. 

Levi rolled his eyes. "Get out and go to school, Eren. I'll talk to you later, you know unless I'm not too busy recruiting another person to pretend to love and then betray, a concept you wouldn't be too unfamiliar with." 

I felt my stomach drop, like I was on a big roller coaster. Did he really just say that to me? Did he really have the nerve to bring my mistake into this?

"Goodbye, Levi," I managed, stepping out of his car. I could hear my heartbeat, and my vision was cloudy, like I was going to cry or pass out. 

"Goodbye, Eren." He leaned over across the center console and slammed the door after me, pulling out of the parking lot, leaving me there, alone with my thoughts. They were threatening to drown me just as the pouring rain seemed to be.

I felt all of my anger, pain, and sadness boil up inside of me. I'd hurt Armin, the one person in the entire world I never wanted to hurt, and Levi brought it up, the one person I never wanted to bring it up or think lowly of me because of it. I hurt Levi. I accused him of something horrible, after he knew how terrible you had to be to do that to a person. I was like a human wrecking ball. I destroyed everything I touched, everything and everyone I came close to. I'd lost Armin after such a wonderful display of my irresponsibility and stupidity, and now I'd probably lost Levi because of the same thing. Maybe I should've stopped allowing myself to get close to people, allowing others to get close to me. I felt hot tears threaten my eyes. I hurt so many people. Armin...Marco...All of my old friends...and now Levi. The one person I couldn't stand the thought of hurting. 

The tears spilled over and rolled down my cheeks, only to be washed away by the rain that was now beating down onto me, the wind blowing against me roughly, as if it was trying to knock me down. 

"You're so stupid." I murmured. I felt my legs give out and I was on my knees, staring ahead helplessly.

I closed my eyes and screamed at the top of my lungs, my voice only to be carried away with the wind and the rain just as carelessly as the windshield-wipers wiped the droplets of rain away. 

Perhaps that was the rain's way of getting back at us for wiping it away before it could finish its journey. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can reach me here in case you have any questions or comments or feedback! 
> 
> http://princey-noah.tumblr.com/  
> (princey-noah)
> 
> https://twitter.com/Erenisthename  
> (@Erenisthename)
> 
> https://twitter.com/turntechJaeger  
> (@turntechJaeger)


	8. Liquor Lips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY CRAP THIS UPDATE IS LATE.
> 
> [coughs] As was the last one.......
> 
> Yeah, so about what I said about updating on Mondays? Scratch that, I'm just gonna update whenever, because its harder for me to have a schedule-but don't worry, I'll still be updating frequently, or try to. 
> 
> Lately life has been getting in the way of things. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Also-I got an anon ask on Tumblr and my heart EXPLODED. I was so happy!! I absolutely LOVE getting feedback and questions from all of you! So remember to leave comments and/or ask me stuff on my Tumblr or Ask.fm, which I just recently made. 
> 
> ALSO: I'd like to credit my best friend, Elliot, for helping me write and basically editing all of this fic. He's a huge nerd.
> 
> Ways to contact me will be in the notes below!
> 
> ENJOY!

_Eren_

 

"Eren, wake up. Eren, come on.." 

I heard a voice _rousing_ me awake, it was distant and hazy, but familiar. At first, I couldn't remember what happened and couldn't even make out what was going on or where I was, but I recognized the voice. Was I having a dream or something?

"Eren, wake up." It was becoming more urgent, and getting louder and closer, but it was gentle and soft. 

I opened my eyes and squinted at the bright light of the room and waited for my eyes to adjust. There was someone standing over me, things were blurry but my eyes eventually began to adjust, and the person standing over me came into focus.

"Eren," Armin sighed gratefully, hugging me close. I couldn't contain my confusion, but I reluctantly hugged back, still a bit unclear on  what was happening. "You've been passed out for two hours." 

"I have?" I asked groggily. Armin let go of me and pulled away, nodding. "I don't know what happened. I just found you blacked out in the parking lot...You could've gotten sick or seriously injured. I was so worried..so I took you here. Do you remember what happened?" I couldn't believe that Armin of all people brought me here, and was worried. I thought he hated me..

I did remember what happened. The memories flooded back the second he mentioned the parking lot, where Levi and I had gotten into that argument and he left me. "Goodbye, Eren." Levi's words haunted me, the look in his dark blue eyes pained me. I thought Levi wasn't in it to care for me, I thought he just wanted sex from me; I thought he was using me.

But of course, I couldn't tell Armin about any of that.

"No, I don't," I lied, avoiding Armin's eyes. "Maybe I was just walking to school and fainted or something." 

Armin shrugged, probably too worried to notice how transparent my lie was.

"Perhaps it will come back in time." The nurse, Ms. Ral, walked into the room. Her bangs were clipped back, and she flashed me a small smile. "Are you feeling healthy enough to go back to class? If you're not, you can always go home, or maybe Armin can take you outside and you can get some fresh air." 

I shrugged. "I think I'm fi-" I sat up, cutting myself off with a flinch. Damn, I had a bad headache. "..Some fresh air would be nice.." 

Ms. Ral studied me, and then nodded. "If you feel too sick to continue your day, just come here. I can either give you some medicine or you can go home. I already informed all of your teachers about what happened."

"Thank you.." I replied gratefully. 

"Of course, Eren. You two can head outside whenever you'd like, I'm going to go get some water." She flashed me another smile before exiting the room.

Armin looked over at me. "Ready to go?"

I nodded, a bit nervous to be alone with Armin. Who knew what kind of conversation I'd be dragged into? "Yeah."

We made our way down the hallway and outside. We walked to the football field in silence, and eventually sat down on the bleachers, finding dry seats that had been shielded from the rain.

It had stopped raining, and the sun was attempting to peak out from the thick clouds that covered it.

I heard Armin sigh next to me. 

"You took me to the nurse's office after you found me?" I asked, looking over at him. 

He nodded. "Yeah, I did. Why?"

"Well.." I looked down at my hands, twiddling my thumbs nervously. "After everything that happened..I thought you hated me."

Armin chuckled. "I could never hate you. I'm mad at you; well, I'm barely mad at you anymore. It was in the past. I'm getting over it. But even if I'm mad at you, it doesn't mean I hate you."

"Then why have you been avoiding me?" I asked, surprised. This whole time I thought he wanted to punch my face in. I guess I tended to underestimate Armin's kindness. 

"I haven't been avoiding you. I just haven't known how to talk to you. I thought  _you_ were avoiding  _me._ " He replied with a soft sigh. 

"Well, everyone else hates me." I sighed under my breath, but Armin must have heard me, because he rolled his eyes.

"You can be so over dramatic, and this habit you have of jumping to conclusions doesn't help." Armin sighed. Armin was right, I did jump to conclusions too much, like now, when immediately thought he hated me, and when I thought Levi was using me.

He shook his head. "No one hates you. It's more of disappointment in you. But like I said, I'm getting over it. I forgive you, Eren. I'm not one to hold grudges; especially not when it comes to you. We might have grown apart, but I will always consider you my best friend." 

That made me feel a lot better. I thought I had lost Armin. If he found out what I'd been doing with Levi, would he be saying what he was saying now? Would he still consider me his best friend? Even if he said he'd never hate me, would he hate me if he knew what I did? Would we ever talk with me like this again? I felt like the shittiest person in the world. One of the reasons why I'd been doing what I was doing with Levi was I thought Armin hated me, that I'd already lost him. What else was there left to lose? But Armin's well-being was still at stake. I should've cared about him more. But now there was nothing to worry about; Levi had left me...he probably wanted nothing to do with me now. But if he and I were over, why couldn't I get him off of my mind?

"Really..?" I asked, trying to hide my look of surprise. 

"Really." Armin gave me a reassuring smile. He stood up and crossed his arms. "Now, if you're feeling up to it, I'll race you back to the school!"

I still felt a little groggy, but I couldn't pass up beating Armin in a race.

I grinned, standing up. "You're on."

* * *

_Levi_

 

I hated him. I hated him because he was a fucking moron who had managed to get under my skin. I hated him because of what he accused me of. I hated him because of that stupid, broken face he made before I drove away. I hated him because of all the things he made me feel; feelings I hadn't felt for anyone in a long time. I hated him because of who he made me into when I was with him. I hated him because I  _couldn't hate him._

I didn't feel like going to school, I didn't want to sit through long lectures where teachers who hadn't been laid in ten years, who had the biggest sticks up their asses, would be talking about pointless shit I didn't even need to learn, nor did I care about. 

But there I fucking was. 

I was in literature class. Luckily, I didn't despise this class, because if I did, depending on my mood, I probably would've killed someone. I tapped my pencil against my notepad, pretending to listen, but really I was just staring at the clock behind the professor's head, as if I could will it to fucking go faster.

I couldn't even pay attention if I tried, because the only thing on my mind was Eren. The ocean-eyed, moronic idiot I had allowed myself to fall for. 

I fell hard, and must have hit my head on the way down because I would have never willingly allowed myself to become this attached to someone. Especially not someone like him. I hadn't felt this way about someone since Erwin. But nothing with Erwin was willing. I had no voice when it came to him, I was just his puppet, and eventually I gave in. He made me a collection of things that people wanted me to be, and Eren found some way to clip the strings and release some of the old me. He'd knocked down my walls, made me feel human again. And I hated him for it, because where the fuck did it get me? What did I get for allowing him to do that to me? An accusation of using him and basically a knife in my fucking back and heart. After what Erwin did to me, I'd never hurt someone I love. Never. I might've been a self-absorbed asshole more than 70% of the time, but I drew the line when it came to people I loved. Eren just had his head shoved too far up his own ass to notice that. Or maybe he just couldn't notice when someone loved him. Or maybe he could...but he just didn't love me.

Love, I'd realized, fucks everyone over, about a million times, no matter what. Just when you think it's over, it comes back and bites you in the ass. Because I still loved Eren. Maybe even more now that I knew I couldn't live without the taste of his liquor lips and his nicotine smile. I just couldn't get enough, and without him, I was empty. Alone. Deprived. I shouldn't have done what I did to him. I shouldn't have left him there. I inwardly cursed myself.

Class was almost over, and then I could leave and go home. Maybe even go to Eren. I doubted he wanted to see me. I wanted to see him, I wanted him to hold me in his arms and tell me everything was okay, but at the same time I wanted him to punch me in the nose and tell me to go fuck myself so I knew it was really over, so I wouldn't have to live with that constant question in my mind: "Does he still love me?"

I was getting more eager to leave now that time was running out. The professor was finishing up his lecture that I'd probably heard worded differently about three-hundred times.

He finally dismissed us. I practically ran out the door. I pulled my phone out of my pocket the second I got to the hallway, and sent Eren a text, hoping he'd respond. 

 **We need to talk.**   **-Levi**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to ask me stuff, give feedback, or just get to know me in the comments, or contact me on any of these sites!
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> (princey-noah)
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> (@turntechJaeger)
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> https://twitter.com/Erenisthename  
> (@Erenisthename)
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> http://ask.fm/turntechJaeger  
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> ALSO, don't forget that I'm tracking the fic on tumblr under "#ereri fic: nicotine" in case anyone posts something about it or even draws fanart, which would be AMAZING! Thanks!


	9. Trust Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey! WOW THIS CHAPTER TOOK SO LONG TO WRITE AND POST AND IM REEEAAAALLLLY SORRY!!!!
> 
> I have been SO BUSY and writer's block is such a bitch. Hopefully it won't take this long to update again!
> 
> This chapter didn't go as I'd originally planned, but I like how it turned out, and after a while of thinking, I have some more big things planned for the fic. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and remember to leave a comment if you have any questions, comments, feedback, or if you just wanna get to know me! 
> 
> ***BE AWARE:***  
> Some things that might be triggering to some people in this chapter are:  
> -mention of smoking  
> -VERY brief mention of child abuse

_Eren_

 

It’d been two weeks since I received the text Levi sent me. I never responded. Don’t get me wrong, when I got the text, I was totally ready to leap right back into Levi’s arms and talk about anything we needed to in order to fix things. But at the same time, I was finally friends with Armin again, and he was beginning to gain his trust back. I’d been sitting with him and the rest of my old friends at lunch, Armin and I went to the movies and hung out at my house to play video games, everything seemed normal again. I actually felt welcome with my friends again, and my friendship with Armin was finally mended.

But there was still the bad feeling I had about the whole thing. Armin and my friends finally trusted me again, but just two weeks ago I’d been fucking around with Armin’s boyfriend. I mean, we hadn’t had sex yet...but I knew that it would’ve happened sooner or later if we hadn’t gotten in that argument. I didn’t know if we were broken up or not. Were we even really together..?

Levi had made it clear that he cared about me and was interested in me, and I was obviously interested in him. If Armin wasn’t involved, I would’ve done everything I could to be with Levi. I did have a lingering thought in the back of my mind, though. If Levi liked me so much, why didn’t he just break up with Armin to be with me? Of course, he didn’t want to hurt Armin, but it would have been much more painless than Armin finding out about what Levi and I had been doing behind his back. But at the same time, I didn’t want Levi to break up with Armin. He was finally happy, and I didn’t want Armin’s happiness to be ruined because of my selfishness.

The whole situation was just really fucked up.

I wanted Levi off of my mind. I wanted to stop hearing his voice in the back of my mind, and I wanted to stop waking up in the middle of the night, longing for him to be right next to me because of how hard it had become to sleep without him next to me. I figured that the best way to make that happen would be to avoid him at all costs, and he hadn’t necessarily made any efforts to reach out to me since that text, so he was probably doing the same thing. Which was exactly how it should’ve been.

Another thing I was confused about was the text that he sent me. What was there to talk about? I’d hurt him, and he left me, and now we were completely avoiding each other. It seemed like whatever we had was a lost cause now. I knew Levi was never one to dwell on things, so why would he dwell on me? I was part of his life for such a short period of time..

I let out a quiet sigh, taking my headphones off and running my fingers through my hair. I needed to get my mind off of this.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket to pause the music and found myself looking for Levi’s contact. I wanted to call him. I wanted to apologize, and I wanted to mend whatever weird relationship we had going on. Were we dating? Were we friends with benefits or something? Fuck.

I found myself getting increasingly angry. Levi and I never communicated what we were both feeling. We never discussed what we were, we never discussed anything. I sure was stupid for never bringing it up with him, because now I was left with a shit-ton of regret and mixed feelings. Was it my fault? Had I done something wrong and he didn’t want to open up to me? I knew Armin was in the picture, and maybe Levi wasn’t as interested in me as I’d hoped. I turned my phone off and sighed, frustrated. If I wanted to fix things I needed to just get off of my ass and stop feeling sorry for myself.

I decided I’d head to the coffee shop.

I got up from my chair and made my way to the front door of my house, slipping on my hoodie on the way out. My hair was a mess, and I was wearing sweatpants; I hadn’t been doing anything all day but sitting at my computer. I didn’t care how I looked; all I cared about was seeing Levi. I hoped he was there.

I ran down the sidewalk as fast as I could, the chilly autumn wind blowing into my face. I knew by the time I got there, I’d be breathless, but I didn’t care.

After a few more minutes of running, the coffee shop came into my view. I slowed once I got to the front door. Panting heavily, I pushed it open, hearing the familiar jingling of bells that usually seemed comforting. Now they seemed alien, and I was beginning to become less confident now that I was actually here. What if Levi rejected me? What if he wanted nothing to do with me in general? He could've lost all feelings for me after what happened, after what I've accused him of. I tried to shake the thought from my head. I wasn't going to be able to do anything if I was scared because I'd been thinking negatively. I surveyed the room.

Dark blue eyes immediately shot up from looking down at the counter. Levi stared up at me, momentarily looking surprised, but that look was soon replaced by a stony glare. He made his way around the counter, walking over to me. “Where have you been?!” He demanded, the entire coffee shop going silent. Levi didn’t seem to care about the disturbance he’d caused.

Once he got closer to me, he quickly raised a hand. I was so sure he was going to hit me, I squeezed my eyes shut and held my hands up in front of my face defensively.

After a moment of nothing happening, I opened my eyes to see his dark blue ones wide, staring up at me. His expression was filled with surprise, but also hurt. I slowly moved my arms away from my face.

Hanji was watching from behind the counter. She looked just as surprised as Levi did.

“You didn’t think I was going to hurt you, did you..?” Levi asked, his voice softer than before.

Everyone’s eyes were on me, and I felt my heart race. I gulped down the lump that had been forming in my throat, my eyes darting around the room. “I..I..uh..”

Levi turned to face everyone sitting in the cafe, watching Levi and I like we were on some reality TV show. “Shows over,” Levi growled to them, his eyes narrowed and hooded, before turning to face me again.

“Come here,” He said softly, reaching for my hand and leading me into a room that had an ‘employees only’ sign hanging on the door.

The room smelled like coffee beans. I noticed this was where the shop’s supply was. Levi let go of my hand, leaning against a counter with a soft sigh after closing the door behind us. “I’m sorry for getting so angry a second ago,” he murmured, his eyes locked on the wall.

I shrugged, rubbing the back of my neck nervously. I still couldn’t get over how cornered I’d just felt, or why I thought Levi was going to hit me. “It’s fine. I would’ve gotten worked up, too.”

“It’s not fine.” Levi’s icy eyes shifted to meet mine. “You thought I was going to hurt you.”

I shook my head. “No I didn’t.” I lied right through my teeth, my ears heating up like they always did when I lied.

Levi rolled his eyes, looking back at the wall. “Don’t lie to me, Eren. That look on your face...I know that look.” He murmured, his expression guarded, yet thoughtful.

I shrugged, shoving my hands into my pockets. “It’s not your fault. Let’s just say my dad was never gonna win any Father of the Year awards,” I muttered, looking away from Levi.

“I understand that.” Levi snorted bitterly. “But I’m never going to hurt you, Eren.” He looked up at me, but I was still too nervous to meet his eyes. I nodded.

“Hey.” He said sternly, moving closer to me and grabbing my chin, tilting my head to look at him with his index finger. “Look at me.”

I could feel my cheeks heating up, and I nodded.

“I could never hurt you. I’m never going to. I’ve been hurt before by someone I loved, okay?” His voice wavered, but his expression remained hard. “I could never do that to someone.”

I took a deep breath, nodding when I exhaled. “Okay, Levi,” I said softly. “I trust you.”

Levi moved his hand to cup my cheek, rubbing it with his thumb. I leaned into his touch, sighing softly and closing my eyes.

Before I knew it, his lips were on mine, my arms sliding around his neck, his body pressing against mine. It felt so natural, like our bodies were puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly. Levi leaned back up against the wall, my lips following his. His mouth moved gently against mine, my hands moving to grasp his hips. Levi pulled away just enough for him to speak, our lips still touching. “I hate kissing you,” he breathed softly, his hot breath warming my lips and making me shudder.

“Why?” I asked, opening my eyes. My vision was blurry and my head was spinning, like I’d just gotten off a roller coaster.

“Because when I kiss someone it means it’s real,” Levi ran his slender fingers through my hair, looking up to meet my eyes.

“What’s so bad about that?” I asked, a bit confused. 

“It means I’ve opened up and let you in, and that you can hurt me,” He murmured against my lips. I didn't know him, I didn't know his dark secrets. I didn't know what his past held. How bad was it the last time he opened up to someone? The last time something was real for him? The last time he was in love...was he even in love  _now_?

“I won’t hurt you,” I whispered, my eyes locked on his. “What if I turn out to be different?”

Levi shook his head, chuckling bitterly. “That’s what they all say. I’ve heard it so many times, Eren. I’ve been through so many things..It’s hard for me to trust anyone, or even myself.”

“What if I’m different?” I repeated eagerly. I wasn’t about to let Levi go because he couldn’t trust me. “I can prove that I’m different, Levi, I know I can.”

Levi looked up at me, his expression revealing how torn he was. “I want to believe you..b-”

“..Then believe me.” I cut him off. “You’ve already let me in, isn’t that enough for you to know that I’m special? Please trust me, Levi. If you want me to trust you, you can trust me.”

Levi sighed softly, looking up at me longingly. “Okay,” he murmured.

I couldn’t help myself from grinning like a total idiot. “Okay.”

Levi rolled his eyes, pressing a soft kiss to my cheek. “You better not hurt me, brat.” He must have been trying to sound teasing, but he couldn't hide how scared he actually was. How badly did someone hurt him that he couldn't even trust anyone anymore..?

“I won’t,” I promised, but I was scared, and I knew he was scared. I was clumsy, and had anger problems, and said things I didn’t mean all the time. I didn’t know what the future held, and neither did Levi, and the very thought of that was terrifying for both of us. The very thought that I could hurt him; or that he could hurt me. He'd made it clear he didn't want to hurt me...how much would it destroy him if he actually did..? If he caused someone else to feel what he'd felt? 

“Let’s get out of this closet,” Levi sighed, dropping the subject and bringing me back to reality. I was happy he did. “I don’t want to smell like coffee all day, and I need a smoke.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are some other ways to contact me! 
> 
> I love chatting with people and hearing what you guys have to say, so hit me up! I'd be happy to answer any questions, hear your predictions, read your feedback, etc. Your reviews are always so fun to read!
> 
> http://princey-noah.tumblr.com/  
> (princey-noah)
> 
> https://twitter.com/turntechJaeger  
> (@turntechJaeger)
> 
> https://twitter.com/Erenisthename  
> (@Erenisthename)
> 
> http://ask.fm/turntechJaeger  
> (turntechJaeger)
> 
> ALSO, don't forget that I'm tracking the fic on tumblr under "#ereri fic: nicotine" in case anyone posts something about it or even draws fanart, which would be AMAZING! Thanks!


	10. Toxic Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This chapter is kind of short and a bit slow...but it's super important. And I decided to update early because I felt so bad for taking so long to publish chapter nine and kept you all waiting!! 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter and get closure on Levi's background that some (or most, idk) of you have wanted! 
> 
> ***BE AWARE***  
> Some things that people might find triggering in this chapter are:  
> -smoking  
> -mention of child abuse, but it isn't too graphic!  
> ******
> 
> ENJOY!

_Levi_

__

Eren and I had walked down the street to the small park that was about a block away. I’d decided that today I was gonna tell Eren everything-well, everything I _could_. Who knew what he would think of me after he knew everything I’d done. Everything that had been done to me-some of the things I _let_ happen to me. I pulled a pack of cigarettes out of my back pocket along with my lighter. I slid a cigarette out of the pack and lit it, watching the paper burn away before placing it between my teeth and taking a drag off of it.

“I didn’t know you smoke,” Eren spoke for the first time since we’d left the bookstore.

“Yeah,” I exhaled, watching the smoke wisp through the air. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” I murmured under my breath. Eren was eyeing me, but I kept my eyes locked ahead.

“Like what..?” He asked softly. I inhaled deeply, the smoke traveling down into my lungs. I closed my eyes for a moment before exhaling, the wisps of smoke smoothly carried away by the chilly autumn breeze. “Messed up stuff.” I murmured.

Eren sighed. “I’m pretty used to messed up stuff, Levi. I’m fucking around with Armin’s boyfriend behind his back, two months after getting wasted and cheating on him myself.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, his head hung low.

“Yeah, well we obviously have two very different levels of ‘messed up’.” I replied under my breath with a sigh. What would he think of me after he found out everything?

We stopped at a short bridge standing over the river that ran through Trost. It was calm today; I could hear the soft sound of the water lapping against the shore and the monotonous croaking frogs. I leaned against the railing, taking another drag off of my cigarette.

“Can I try one?” Eren asked, gesturing to it. I snorted, looking up at him and breathing out, the smoke blowing into his face smoothly. “In your dreams.” I said. Eren frowned, swatting the smoke away with his hand.

“Why?” He asked, leaning against the railing and crossing his arms.

I shrugged. “It’s not good for you.”

“Then why are you doing it?” He asked, tilting his head to the side, sounding and looking like a little kid. “Because it’s better than what I used to do..” I uttered under my breath, flicking the cigarette butt, watching the ashes drift slowly to the ground. I looked back up at him. “Fine, you can take one drag off of it, but don’t expect me to become your smoking buddy.” I said, offering the cigarette to him.

Eren took it hesitantly, placing it between his teeth. I watched, wanting to see his reaction. He inhaled, and before he could breath out, I leaned in and pressed my lips against his. Eren’s mouth fell open, and I could tell by the look on his face that he was surprised. I pulled away after a moment, tendrils of smoke escaping his mouth. His otherwise tan cheeks were light pink, and he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. I grinned, crossing my arms, amused by his expression.

Eren cleared his throat, licking his lower lip. “My mouth feels dry,” he stated. I nodded, shrugging a bit. “You learn to get used to it.”

Eren shrugged, bringing a finger to his lower lip, a thoughtful expression on his face. “What did you mean a few minutes ago? When you said smoking is better than what you used to do?”

I sighed quietly, looking out at the river. The sun casted a golden glow on it, the soft light dancing across the water. “I didn’t grow up in a good family,” I began, picking at my fingernail. “We were poor, so we didn’t live in a good area of the city. My father did nothing but sit on his ass and push my mother and I around. And of course, she was too afraid to stick up for herself. Ever since I was young, I’d been defending her against him, and that earned me a couple bruises.” I cringed at the memory, all of the things I’d tried so hard to forget.

Eren was watching me intently, his brow furrowed. I sighed softly, closing my eyes and continuing. “When I turned thirteen, my mother got sick. She had cancer and ended up dying a year later. I was left with my dad, and I had no one to defend from him but myself.” I opened my eyes, averting them from Eren, keeping them locked on the river ahead of us.

“Then I went into high school. My mom had just died, and all my dad did was use me as a human punching bag..so I was willing to do anything to keep my mind off of my life. I smoked, did drugs, fucked with anyone who said yes.” I closed my eyes, digging my fingernails into my palms.

“And then I met Erwin Smith.” I said, my voice wavering. I opened them again, turning to face Eren. “The things he did to me...the things he made me do and what he got me into..the things I did to _myself_..” I added that last part quietly, shaking my head. “He made me into a different person. A _bad_ person. It’s been three years and I have barely recovered..He scarred me, Eren. You’d be crazy to stick around.”

Eren was staring at me. Was he judging me? What was he thinking about? I stared right back, narrowing my eyes. I hated the silence. “Well? Are you gonna talk to me or are you just gonna stare at me like I’m a fucking circus animal?” I demanded, probably coming off harsher than I wanted to.

Eren’s ocean eyes sparkled, and he shook his head, placing his hands on my shoulders gently, looking right into my eyes. “What did he do to hurt you so much that you can’t even trust anyone anymore..?” He asked, his voice gentle.

I took a deep breath, leaning in and resting my head against his shoulder, his strong arms sliding around my waist protectively. “More than anyone should ever have to go through,” I whispered softly, lightly trailing my hands up his back.

He held me tightly, making me feel safe for the first time in forever. “My father was the same way,” Eren muttered quietly. “My mother eventually called the authorities when she decided we couldn’t take it anymore, and my father was taken into custody. He came back a year later. He apologized to us, and of course my mother believed that he was sorry,” Eren ran his fingers through my hair with his free hand soothingly. I leaned into his touch, closing my eyes. “So she stayed with him. And they continued life like nothing ever happened. I don’t think he’s sorry, though. Well, he might be-but only because he was caught. I’ll never forgive him, no matter how many times he tries to apologize to me. He hurt my sister and my mother. It’s unforgivable.” I noted that Eren didn’t even mention that his father had hurt him, too. The kid was selfless, I had to admit.

“What about you? Aren’t you mad that he hurt you, too?” I murmured, a bit too comfortable. Eren shrugged. “Of course I am. It fucked me up a lot. But I’d rather him hurt me than my sister and my mother. Hurt me all you want, but when it comes to people I love...that’s where I have to draw the line.”

I nodded slowly. “I understand that..” I breathed quietly. We stood there for a while longer, in silent understanding that nothing else needed to be said. He and I were the sun and the moon, but somehow we understood each other. I couldn’t believe I’d told him about my past-no one knew those things about me but Hanji, Isabel, and Farlan. I hadn’t even told Armin. I honestly didn’t plan on telling Armin.

Even though three years had passed, not a day went by when I didn’t think about Erwin. I was so convinced that I was in love with him. I was too blind to see how toxic he really was. He destroyed me from the inside out, and before I realized that, I was so convinced I enjoyed it. The withdrawals from the drugs and even from him after I cut ties with him were enough to drive me completely insane. I moved away from my old high school when I was eighteen. I made it over to New York and eventually settled down in Trost. Then I met Armin, and allowed him to rush me into a relationship.

Why? Because I needed to get my mind off of Erwin more than anything. I admit, I did have feelings for Armin..But with Eren, it seemed so much more real. No one else made me feel the way Eren did-not even Erwin. But our relationship was a train wreck waiting to happen. Someone was going to get hurt no matter what. Why was I okay with that? I didn’t want to admit that I had fallen in love with Eren, that he’d knocked down my walls and finally made me feel something. But he did. He did in every way possible, and I couldn’t understand why. He made me feel like I was everything. Like I was alive; like I hadn’t been through everything I’d been through. He made me forget. Not even the drugs could do that. I looked up at him, and he offered me a small smile. I cupped his cheek in my hand, pressing my lips against his lightly, feeling butterflies in my stomach when he returned the kiss.

Eren Jaeger. The one I undoubtedly loved was going to be my utter destruction. I just knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are some other ways to contact me!
> 
> I love chatting with people and hearing what you guys have to say, so hit me up! I'd be happy to answer any questions, hear your predictions, read your feedback, etc. Your reviews are always so fun to read!
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> ALSO, don't forget that I'm tracking the fic on tumblr under "#ereri fic: nicotine" in case anyone posts something about it or even draws fanart, which would be AMAZING! Thanks!


	11. Two Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm sorry it took me so long to publish this chapter; my girlfriend was visiting from New Hampshire and I went over to my friend's house for a while. 
> 
> Anyways, the next chapter will be a lot more exciting, hopefully, but in this chapter you get some angst and feels and lovey dovey stuff. c:
> 
> I hope you all like this chapter, and again, I'm sooo sorry for making you all wait so long!
> 
> ENJOY!

_Levi_

“So,” Armin began softly, grabbing my hand and lacing his fingers with mine. I’d been so lost in thought, his voice caused me to jump in my seat. I’d been thinking of Eren so much-everything I told him. I wondered what he thought of me. He said things were okay and his feelings were the same as before, but I still worried. He could’ve been lying to make me feel better. I wouldn’t have been as accepting over something like that as he was. I hadn’t seen him for a few days, and he hadn’t tried to contact me. Maybe I’d freaked him out and he wanted nothing to do to me. The thought shook me to my core.

“Damn,” Armin laughed, shifting and bringing his electric blue eyes to meet mine. “Are you okay?” His eyes studied my face.

I nodded, squeezing Armin’s hand reassuringly. “Yeah, just lost in thought. What were you saying?”

Armin had been at my house for the passed few hours. We’d been watching shitty Netflix movies all day. I was sitting on my couch, Armin’s head resting on my lap as if I was a pillow.

“Well..My grandparents wanted to invite you over for dinner some time. I talk about you constantly, so naturally they grew curious.” He said, twisting a lock of his golden hair in between his fingers, using his free hand. “They told me to ask you how you felt about that.” He added, his voice dripping with nervousness despite how calm and collected he looked.

I tried not to flinch. His family wanted to meet me? Was our relationship already that serious? I knew I had so many mixed feelings over this because of how biased I was when it came to Eren. It was his family I wanted to be meeting…And that just made me feel even more guilty.

“Don’t act so nervous about it.” I rolled my eyes, shooting Armin a playful smirk. “Of course I want to meet your grandparents.”

Armin’s eyes immediately lit up and a smile spread across his small lips. “Really? Are you sure it’s not weird? Or too early?”

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “Yes, really. In fact, I think now is the perfect time to meet them.”

Armin wrapped his arms around my shoulders excitedly. “Wonderful! I’ll let them know once I get home.”

I chucked softly, pressing a soft kiss to Armin’s temple.

“And...one other thing.” He added, pulling away to face me. He seemed much more nervous about this than he was before. Shit, what more did I have to stress about in one day?

“You know my friend Eren? Eren Jaeger?” He asked, chewing on his lower lip nervously.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, praying my facial expression wasn’t exposing my guilt. “Eren Jaeger? The asshole you called me in tears over? The one who cheated on you? I had no idea you considered him a friend anymore.”

Armin pursed his lips, nodding slowly. “Yeah, him. Well, he and I have started hanging out again.”

“I thought you said you weren’t going to hang out with him anymore.” I arched an eyebrow, eyeing him.

Armin sighed, brushing his bangs out of his face with his fingers. “Yeah, I did say that didn’t I? It’s just...he and I have been best friends since we were born; I didn’t want this to ruin our friendship. And a few weeks ago I found him passed out in the freaking school parking lot in the pouring rain! Was I just supposed to leave him there? Anyways, after he woke up, we talked for a while, and now things are pretty much back to normal.” I felt a sharp pain in my chest. Passed out in the school parking lot in the pouring rain? I prayed he wasn’t talking about the day I left him, but part of me was screaming that it was.

“So after everything he did to you, you forgave him? Just like that?” I asked, probably sounding more aggressive than I meant to. Mainly because I was angry at myself for leaving Eren that day.

Armin flinched, averting his eyes away from mine. “Yeah. It sounds stupid...But I guess I’m just a naturally forgiving person...especially when it comes to Eren.”

I understood completely. After the first time Erwin fucked up, all I could do was forgive him, and the second I decided to completely push him out of my life, he found some way to snake his way right back into it. Of course, that was a completely different situation. Armin’s and Eren’s relationship was based on love and compassion, while mine and Erwin’s was built on lies and manipulation. It wasn’t at all about love. I was hooked on the drugs and sex, and Erwin was hooked on having his own personal punching bag, a.k.a., me. I dug my fingernails into the couch’s armrest, biting the inside of my cheek. The drugs were what kept me going. I would’ve done anything-I would’ve let Erwin do anything to me for one line or smoke. Detaching myself from that life was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. Detaching myself from _Erwin_ was one of the hardest things I'd ever done.

“Whatever,” I murmured. “What does Eren have to do with dinner at your house?”

“They also invited him over. They thought it would be a nice experience to have all of us together in a nice atmosphere. They said it might relieve any tension between the three of us.” Armin replied, searching my face.

I knew I was going pale, but I couldn’t let my nervousness show. “They want your new boyfriend and your cheating, ex boyfriend over for dinner?” I had to find some way to lead Armin away from this topic. I needed to make it seem like a bad idea.

“I’ve decided I’m putting all of that in my past. To them, and to me, that’s not all Eren is,” he argued, choosing his words carefully. “You don’t know him like I know him, Levi.”

My body tensed. I clenched my jaw. “I know his type,” I snarled. “He’s not a good person to be around. He’s just manipulating you, it’s what people like him do.” I added. ‘People like him’. I was beginning to make Eren out to be a carbon copy of Erwin. I knew Eren wasn’t the kind of person to do that to someone, and I knew he was nothing like Erwin, but I couldn’t go to dinner with both Armin and Eren-and Armin’s grandparents after all that had happened. The guilt might not be enough to crush me all at once, but it might be enough to crush Eren. If not quickly, then slowly. That’s what guilt does to you-it slowly eats you alive until it becomes to much and you can’t bare it anymore, and then it crashes down on you in the end. 

“Levi,” Armin said sternly. “Please. Don’t make this all about Eren. Think of us-this is a huge step in our relationship. You’re meeting my family! Think of Eren as just another person there. A person we don’t even have to worry about. I know it’s weird, but it’s just one night. We don’t have to start living with the guy, right?” Armin practically begged, his blue eyes wide. I had to admit, he was persuasive. After he brought up our relationship, I knew turning this down would make me seem both a.), like an asshole, and b.), suspicious as fuck. Because the way Armin thought, that’s all Eren was to me. Just another person there. Just another person I don’t have to worry about.

I let out a soft sigh, massaging my temples with my index fingers. “Fine. For you.” I gave in.

Armin released a sigh of relief. “Thank you so much..I’m sorry you have to deal with this…”

I shook my head, kissing Armin’s forehead. “Don’t worry about it. It’s a big step in our relationship. And as for Eren...” I shot Armin a small smile that I hoped didn’t waver.

“...He’s just another person.”

* * *

_Eren_

"He _what_?!" I demanded into the phone, surprise rushing throughout my body and sending me into a pure state of panic. Armin's grandparents were inviting me over for dinner-with Levi? How the fuck was I supposed to keep my shit together for that? I was gonna blow it. I knew it. I knew Levi was good in situations like this-but me? Hell no, count me the fuck out.

"Ugh," Levi groaned into the phone. "Stop yelling. I have a migraine," he muttered.

"I can't do this, Levi." I said, lowering my voice and tapping my fingers against the counter. "I'm gonna slip up and end up ruining everything. I'm gonna end up hurting him."

"Look at our situation, Eren. Take a good look at it. Has it sunk in? Okay, good. And now tell me any scenario about how this could play out where someone won't get hurt. Any scenario. Right now. Pull it out of your ass, I don't give a shit. Just tell me how this could have any form of a silver lining. Whether it's you, or Armin, or me, someone is gonna end up getting hurt-if not all of us. Our entire situation is fucked up and I hate to break it to you, Eren, but this is a train going right through crazy-ville heading straight towards a wall, where it's going to crash and burn." He sighed, and I could hear him sip his tea on the other end. "And you're only gonna fuck up if you tell yourself you're going to. Don't be so god damn negative about it."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "You go on a huge rant about how our relationship isn't gonna work out no matter what, and _you're_ telling _me_ to stop being negative?!" I snapped. "You're not helping the situation with your whole 'fuck-the-world' attitude, Levi. In fact, you're making it a hell of a lot worse, so why don't _you_ start trying to be positive about it?"

"I don't need some brat ridiculing me on the way I view things." Levi hissed. I could tell how angry he was without even looking at him-I could hear the obvious rage in his voice through the phone. It was enough to make me shut up and freeze in my tracks. "It's one fucking night of acting normal. I'm sure you've done it before and I'm sure you could do it again. And of course I'm gonna be fucking negative about our relationship, because look at it, Eren. We're tip-toeing around Arlert and jumping every single time we hear a fucking twig snap." He sighed softly, I assumed in an attempt to calm his nerves. "All I ask is you try to keep your shit together for one night. For Armin. How bad would you look if you turned this down? It means a lot to him."

My fists clenched and unclenched at my sides. It was obvious that Levi wasn't about to change how he viewed the situation, and I wasn't about to try to change his mind, because I knew that was impossible. Another part of me knew he was right. We were a fucking mess. I didn't want to make Levi more stressed than he was-I didn't want to add more problems into our relationship than it already had. "Fine, I'll go. And I'll try to keep it together." I promised.

I heard a small purr from Levi's line and I could practically see his slow nod and small smirk of approval. "Perfect," he breathed into the phone. I felt my cheeks heat up, relieved that he couldn't see me. It was insane how Levi could manipulate my emotions like that-make me angry one moment and hot and bothered the next from the simplest of actions. I didn't know if that was a bad thing or a good thing. All I knew was I liked it.

"Y-Yeah," I replied. "What day is the dinner?" I asked, trying to change the subject. I didn't want to get even more flustered than I already was, especially not without Levi there.

"Hmm.." He purred in mock thought. I was sure he was just fucking with me, now. "Saturday. You have two days to get your act together."

"Two days.." I murmured mainly to myself.

"Two days." Levi repeated, sounding a bit uneasy, himself.

"I guess I'll see you then." I said softly, just then realizing how much I'd missed him.

Levi yawned quietly. "See you then."

Just when I was about to hang up, Levi's voice stopped me. "Hey, Eren?" He asked softly.

"Yeah..?"

"This is gonna sound stupid, but do you mind staying on the phone with me until I fall asleep?" He asked, the usual confidence in his voice gone, to be replaced by something different. He wasn't forcing a different persona upon himself, he was just being Levi, someone it seemed like I rarely saw.

* * *

_Levi_

"Of course," Eren replied softly.

I let out a small sigh of relief, holding the phone close to my ear. I didn't know why, but I was shaking, as if I was cold. But I was warm. I blamed it on all of the overthinking today; thinking about Erwin, the inevitability of the downfall of mine and Eren's relationship, all on top of having to go to that dinner at Armin's house. I was stressed as fuck, and hiding it seemed to be getting harder and harder.

"Thank you," I whispered into the phone, closing my eyes and hugging my pillow against me.

"Is everything all right..?" Eren asked, sounding worried.

I nodded slowly, but I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. "Just tired, don't worry about me." I lied, burying my face into my pillow.

"Are you sure? You don't sound so good. Is there anything I can do?" He urged on, eliciting a soft sigh from my lips. "Just talk. About anything. Anything at all. I just want to hear your voice. Tell me a story or something, just until I'm asleep." My voice was muffled by the pillow against my face, but Eren heard me.

"All right." He whispered into the phone. I heard shifting on the other line. I assumed he was sitting down or getting comfortable, but I was too tired to evaluate it.

"A few weeks ago I met this really shitty guy," he began. I could hear a playful smile in his voice. "He had jet black hair. It reminded me of a crow's feathers. And he had these dark, blue eyes that were icy enough to freeze you. They had tiny stars in them, I knew it, despite how hard they were to see. I knew he only showed them to certain people. Anyways, I soon got to know this extremely shitty guy, and I can confirm that he is a total asshole." He paused for a moment to take a breath. "But aren't we all? Man...He's short, and bossy, and temperamental. But he's so warm despite his cold exterior. He's the perfect size to hold in your arms. His eyes have seen so much but still shine like newly formed stars. His features work perfectly with his pale skin. His slender fingers on my face make me feel at home. His voice is so familiar, even when he's scolding me." He paused again, long enough for me to cover my mouth with my hand. I could feel more hot tears dancing in my eyes. "He's so beautiful, I could stare at him for years and find something new about him every day," Eren went on. Maybe he thought I was asleep. "I love him so much," Eren whispered into the phone, those five words sending a warm feeling throughout my entire body. "I love him so much.." He repeated quietly.

In that moment, I realized how head over heels I was. I realized that I was more hooked on Eren than I could've ever been on any drug. I loved him. With all of my heart. I had no idea what to do about it.

"I love you too.." I managed to whisper before my eyelids fell shut, darkness consuming my vision like black paint running smoothly down a white canvas. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are some other ways to contact me!
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> ALSO, don't forget that I'm tracking the fic on tumblr under "#ereri fic: nicotine" in case anyone posts something about it or even draws fanart, which would be AMAZING! Thanks!


	12. Dinner of Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! 
> 
> I hope you all like this chapter, and can't wait to see how you all react to the next one.....(take that as you will)
> 
> ALSO! Thank you all so much for your positive feedback on the last chapter!! A lot of you seemed to be pretty fond of that last scene :^)
> 
> Anywhom, please let me know how you feel about this chapter, I worked pretty hard on it!
> 
> ENJOY!

_Eren_

 

Tonight was the night I’d been dreading. The Dinner of Death-a.k.a, dinner at Armin’s. And, I was already half way there.

“Why are you so nervous?” Mikasa asked, shooting me a sidelong glance from the driver’s seat. “I’m not nervous,” I lied right through my teeth, keeping my gaze locked on the passing scenery outside of the car.

“It sure looks like you are, Eren.” Mikasa replied stiffly, warning in her voice. “You’re eyes are darting all over the place, and your ears are red. The tips of your ears always turn red when you’re lying.”

I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms. “Yeah, I know that by now, you bring it up every single time you think I’m lying.”

“I know you’re lying.” She shot back, keeping her eyes locked on the road. “What’s wrong?”

Mikasa knew me far too well for me to put up any act in front of her, but I needed to try my best. Ever since I met her, she had always watched me like a hawk. If Armin wasn’t the person who knew everything about me, it was her. Despite what she might say, I knew that if I were to tell her about Levi, she’d immediately turn around and rat me out to Armin. As much as I wanted to spill it and trust her, I knew I couldn’t. For now, she’d just have to deal with being blind to the situation and hearing my constant excuses.

“I’m having dinner with my ex boyfriend and his family, and his new boyfriend, Mikasa. I’m sure anyone would feel stressed about a situation like this,” I replied, which wasn’t a lie at all. I just spared her some other details.

“I guess you’re right,” Mikasa replied after a moment, a hint of suspicion in her voice, but at least I’d satisfied her for now. “But you just have to treat and see Armin as your best friend now, like before; not your ex. Not the person you cheated on.”  

That’s gonna be a little hard. “You’re right. Thanks, Mikasa.” I murmured, desperate to stop talking about this. It was giving me a headache.

About ten minutes later, Mikasa pulled into Armin’s driveway and I felt my stomach drop. What used to be a safe haven and welcoming home now seemed like something much more scelestic and sinister.

“Try to have fun tonight, okay, Eren?” Mikasa asked, turning to face me. I glanced at her before stepping out of the car. “Yeah, whatever.” I grumbled, shutting the door behind me and making my way up Armin’s driveway.

I heard Mikasa’s car pull out of the driveway and head down the street. I felt like I was on a stranded island. Despite my nervousness and desire to make a run for it, I slowly made my way up to Armin’s front door. I pressed the doorbell with a shaky finger.

I heard rustling inside before I was greeted by Armin’s grandmother, her warm smile making me feel almost reassured. “Hello, Eren! It’s so nice to see you!” She exclaimed. I knew she was genuine, and a bit surprised at how energetic she was to see me after everything that had happened.

Armin’s grandmother was a short woman, with gray hair pulled back into a messy bun. She had the same, soft, blue, adventurous eyes as Armin and his mother. I couldn’t really remember Armin’s parents, though, and neither could Armin. They died in a car accident before Armin and I turned five.

She handed me a glass of what looked like apple cider.

I grinned back at her, trying not to sound as nervous as I felt. “Thank you, and hello, Mrs. Arlert. It’s great to see you, as well.”

Another one of her warm smiles, and before I knew it she was stepping aside. “Please, come in, come in, dinner is almost ready. Armin’s boyfriend is going to be running late, unfortunately, but I suppose that’s fine. More time to catch up with you!”

I stepped inside the house, fighting the urge to tense up. I was still taken aback by how excited she was to see me, and now she wanted to catch up with me.

Part of me was glad Levi wasn’t here-I could have some time to collect myself.

“That sounds wonderful,” I replied, stepping into the living room as she closed the door behind me. The house smelled like spaghetti and garlic. I inhaled the scent and felt a warm sensation spread throughout my body. Maybe I could make it through tonight in one piece.

Armin hurried into the living room, a big, bright smile on his lips. “Eren! You came!”

“Of course I came,” I replied, feeling a grin begin to tug at my own lips. “I said I would right?” I leaned in and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him in for a hug. I heard him giggle as he returned the gesture. “Well, you bail on a lot of things nowadays. What could you possibly be so busy with?”  
“School has been kicking my ass. You know I’ve never been good at the whole school thing.”

“Maybe I should start tutoring you again. That helped a few years ago, right?”

“We barely even did work,” I chuckled at the memory. “We just played video games and ate potato chips.”

Armin laughed, scratching the back of his neck in that adorable way I always remembered him to. “I guess you’re right.”

I’d just realized his grandma had left the room. She probably headed into the kitchen.

“So, Levi is running late?” I asked as casually as possible.

Armin nodded, the smile fading away from his face. “..Yeah. He is. He told me he was held up at work, or something like that.”

I studied his face, and the happiness he was expressing a few minutes ago had completely disappeared. “..Why so grim all of a sudden?”  
Armin sighed, running a hand through his silky hair, his eyes now suddenly had a distant look in them. “I don’t know, I just..He barely ever has time for me anymore..I’m probably overreacting or something..I know he’s busy with work and stuff..But..” His voice trailed off, and instantly I understood what he was getting at.

“You think he’s cheating on you?” I asked, feeling myself tense up. I don’t know why I was surprised by this-of course his trust issues would be fucked up after what I did. The idea that I did that to someone: especially Armin...I didn’t even want to think about it. I also didn’t want to think about the fact that what he was thinking was true.

Armin chewed on his lower lip, not meeting my eyes. “..Yes. But don’t think it’s your fault I’m thinking this way! I mean..Levi doesn’t seem like the kind of person to do that to someone..and I understand that he’s busy..”

I remained silent, waiting for him to continue what he was saying. In all honesty, I didn’t think I would be able to say one word without screaming at myself.

“Do..do you think he would do that to me, Eren?”

The look in Armin’s eyes in that moment-the longing in them, as if they were screaming, ‘please don’t let this happen to me again. Why would someone do that to me again?’ It made me disgusted at myself. I felt like I was about to vomit. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

“No, of course not, Armin. I was stupid for doing that to you..I don’t think anyone else is stupid enough to do that to you. You don’t deserve someone who would do that to you,” I white knuckled the glass I was holding, gritting my teeth, as if I was fighting against myself to stop what I was saying and tell Armin the truth. “I’m sure Levi is a great guy.”

Armin examined my body language, and looked a bit uneasy for a moment, but nodded slowly, the softness eventually returning to his features. But I knew Armin wasn’t stupid. He could tell when something was up. But unlike Mikasa, he knew not to comment on it. “..Thank you, Eren. I needed that.”

I nodded, forcing a smile, relaxing a bit now that the conversation had ended. “Any time, Armin.”

I heard the doorbell ring, and I immediately felt a wave of nervousness pang through me.

“I’ll get it!” Armin’s grandmother hurried into the room and over to the front door. My heart was pounding.

“That must be Levi!” Armin’s face brightened up once again, and he flashed me another one of his smiles.

And, sure enough, Armin’s grandmother opened the door to reveal Levi himself. He was dressed in a gray button-down and black jeans, and it looked like he’d made an effort to look nice. I suddenly felt like an idiot compared to him, rocking my Legend of Zelda shirt and blue jeans. Shit. I already looked like an idiot and I hadn’t even said anything to Levi yet.

Then, to my horror, my cup of apple cider slid right out of my hand and onto the floor, causing me to squeal in surprise. “Shit! I mean shoot!”

Everyone’s eyes were on me now, and I could feel my face heat up.

I was in hell, I had to have been.

I heard Levi snort from across the room, and looked up from the mess I’d made to see a small smirk on his thin lips that was almost shameless. That asshole. If anyone was good at hiding discomfort, it was Levi.

“I didn’t know you’d be this excited to see me.”

“I-I-!” Before I could finish, Armin’s grandmother let out a loud laugh, and made her way over to me. “Don’t worry about it, honey, I’ll grab you some towels and you can clean it up.”

“I’ll help him,” Levi interjected.

Was this God’s way of pissing on people? Was today National Screw Eren Jaeger Day?

“Levi, you don’t have to. Eren drops stuff all the time,” Armin replied, as if Levi didn’t know.

“No, I’d like to.” Levi flashed Armin a reassuring look.

“What a gentleman!” Armin’s grandmother exclaimed. “Come on, Armin, I’ll grab some towels while you get dinner ready to be served.”

Armin’s eyes shifted from Levi, to me, and to his grandmother. “All right, Grandma.”

Moments later, Armin was in the kitchen with his grandparents, and Levi and I were sitting on the living room floor, cleaning up apple cider.  
“What the fuck are you doing?” Levi demanded in a low voice, an annoyed expression on his face as he scrubbed at the apple cider with his towel. “I got nervous, okay?!” I replied with a sigh, cleaning along with him. “Is your nervousness gonna cause you to do stupid shit all night, Eren? Look, Armin already looks uncomfortable as fuck-what the hell are you doing? You call that cleaning? Give me that.” He took my towel from me and cleaned the mess himself. Armin already suspected Levi, but I figured I’d tell him that when we were alone.

I sighed again, running a hand through my hair. “Look, I’ll get it together, okay? I’m not good at hiding things like you are.” Levi handed me the towels when he decided the mess was clean enough.  
His jaw clenched and unclenched. “You’d better.” He looked up at me with a stern look in his eyes. “We might as well be holding up a fucking sign that says-”  
“Is everything all right in here? Did you guys get the mess cleaned up?” Armin peeked into the living room, cutting Levi off mid-sentence.

“Yes!” I said quickly, standing up as fast as I could and hurried over to Armin, handing him the towels with a nervous laugh. “Everything is just spick and span!” I added, probably far too enthusiastically.

Armin took the towels and flashed me a smile, ignoring or accepting my strange behavior. I could almost feel Levi’s eyes glaring into my back. “Thank you, Eren. You two can take a seat at the table if you’d like. Dinner is ready to be served.”

“Do you need some help with getting all of it out here?” Abruptly, I heard Levi’s voice from beside me, causing me to jump.

Armin shook his head, the smile still on his lips. “Nope! We’re all good.” He turned and walked back into the kitchen without another word, leaving Levi and I to take our seats at the table.

“Calm down, Eren. Don’t fuck this up.” Levi warned.

I rolled my eyes. “Okay, mom.”  
“Eren.” He demanded, this time, his voice much more stern. “I mean it.”

I looked over at him, trying to keep my voice from raising. “I’m not gonna fuck up, okay?! Why do you always think I’m the one that’s gonna fuck up? You aren’t perfect either, Levi. So try to have a little faith, okay? Will that be too challenging for you or something?” I demanded, feeling anger boil up inside of me along with newfound confidence. I was sick and tired of Levi treating me like an inept, childish, fuck up.

Levi’s eyes narrowed, his face twisting into a snarl. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he would say anything, Mr. Arlert, Mrs. Arlert, and Armin cheerfully entered the room, setting plates of steaming plates of spaghetti and garlic bread in front of us before sitting down in the chairs around the table.

“This looks delicious,” Levi smiled one of his extremely rare smiles at Mr. and Mrs. Arlert. “Thank you.”  
“Yeah,” I chimed in, smiling at them as well. “Thank you.”

Mrs. Arlert grinned bashfully at us, the skin wrinkling around her eyes. “Of course. Dig in!”  
A few minutes passed in (mostly) comfortable silence. The spaghetti was delicious, as usual when it came to Mrs. Arlert’s cooking. Damn, I missed coming over to Armin’s place for dinner.

“So, Levi,” Mr. Arlert cleared his throat and spoke up for the first time tonight. “You’re in college, I understand?”  
Levi nodded, wiping his mouth with his napkin. “Yes, I am. A sophomore. I’m majoring in Law. I hope to be a lawyer one day,” Levi replied. It sounded like every word he said had been rehearsed.

“A lawyer? How impressive!” Mrs. Arlert exclaimed.

Levi shot her a small smile. “Thank you, Mrs. Arlert. It’s definitely going to take me a while, but it’s what I’m aiming for.”

“Going to school and balancing a job must also be pretty hard, too.” Mr. Arlert stated.

Levi shrugged, taking a sip from his glass of cider. “Not necessarily. I’ve worked at the bookstore I’m currently working at since highschool, so they’ve kind of allowed me to create my own schedule at this point. I usually work whenever I don’t have school and have Saturday and Sundays off.”

“You seem to have everything figured out, then.” Mrs. Arlert chimed in, giving Levi a fond look.

“It seems like it.”  
“What about you, Eren? What have you been up to?” Mr. Arlert turned his attention to me, causing me to drop my fork in surprise.

“Oh, me?” I asked, picking my fork up again. “Nothing much, actually...I’m still on the swim team, and I still work part time at that movie theatre.”

“Any ideas for college yet?” He asked. It was obvious by the look in his eyes he hadn’t reacted to my cheating on Armin as lightly as Mrs. Arlert had.

I shook my head, suddenly feeling under pressure. “Not a clue. I might get into photography, though.”

“Interesting,” Mr. Arlert replied, obvious he was unimpressed. “Have you spoken to Jean Kirschtein recently? Are you two together now or something?” He asked. The very thought of Jean forced me to shudder, not only because of what happened the night of the party, but because of the last time I’d seen him at school. The idea of us together..?  
“No, Sir.” I shook my head. “Jean and I haven’t talked recently. Plus, he’s with Marco Bodt.”

“Oh? Things like relationships didn’t seem to stop you last t-” “Grandpa? Will you please go get me some water?” Armin cut Mr. Arlert off, looking at him sweetly. But I could see how uncomfortable he looked; even Levi had tensed up next to me. I swallowed the big lump in my throat, my mouth dry. I didn’t feel very hungry anymore.

Mr. Arlert eyes remained on me for another moment before he stood up. “Of course, Armin.” He said before disappearing into the kitchen.

An uncomfortable silence had set over the room. Levi stared at his plate, Armin picked at his fingernails.

“I’m sorry about him,” Mrs. Arlert apologized, looking genuinely embarrassed. “He doesn’t take these things lightly.”

I shook my head, forcing a smile. I wanted to scream. I wanted to get out of here. Now. “Don’t worry about it. I understand. I wouldn’t, either.”

Mr. Arlert returned to the table with Armin’s water.

The rest of the meal went by in silence. I forced myself to eat the remaining food on my plate.

After we’d all finished eating, Mr. Arlert, Levi, and Armin wandered off into the living room to talk about something I honestly couldn’t care less, so I was in the kitchen helping Mrs. Arlert wash dishes.

She handed me another rinsed plate, and I began drying it off.

“Again, I’m sorry for what my husband said,” She stated, reaching for another dirty plate. “He cares about Armin a lot, and I guess he just doesn’t view what you did as...forgivable.”

“It’s okay, I promise.” I set the plate to the side. “I haven’t even forgiven myself. I’m surprised you and Armin have.”

“I don’t know if Armin has,” she replied, scrubbing at the plate. “But he will. He’s trying. He’s getting there.”

I bit my lower lip, keeping my eyes locked on the sink in front of me. “Have you?” I asked stupidly, but I cared about what she thought of me. I viewed Mrs. Arlert as a mother figure. She’d been a huge part of my life since I was born.

It took her a moment to respond. “I believe all things are forgivable. This being one of them,” She began, handing me another plate which I began drying. “Now, I’m not saying what you did was right,” She warned me, but her eyes softened. “You hurt Armin and a lot of other people a lot, Eren. It wasn’t smart of you. But, I know you’re better than that, and I know Armin knows it, too. You are growing up to be a wonderful, young man, Eren. I promise you. I trust completely that you’ve learned from your mistakes.”

I slowly dried the plate, staring ahead blankly. Honestly, I was trying not to cry or scream or both. Don’t trust me.

Please, don’t trust me.

“...Thank you, Mrs. Arlert. I really needed that from you.” I was sure I was shaking.

“Of course, Eren.” She smiled up at me and pulled me in for a big hug. I hugged her back, feeling real, genuine comfort for once in a long time.

“Now,” She let me go, gesturing at the clock. “It’s late and you have school tomorrow. You should be getting home.”

I nodded in agreement, making my way into the living room after wishing her goodnight. Levi was talking to Mr. Arlert, probably about stupid college stuff.

“I’m going home,” I announced. “Thank you for having me over.”

“I should be getting home, too,” Levi added, standing up and offering his hand out to Mr. Arlert. “It was a pleasure meeting you.”

“You as well,” He responded warmly.

“It was nice seeing you both.” Armin stood and leaned into Levi for a kiss-BLEGH-and gave me a warm hug.

“You too,” Levi smiled fondly at Armin.

“See you at school,” I murmured before opening the door and walking outside. I then remembered I didn’t have a ride-Mikasa was at work, it was her night shift.

I walked down the sidewalk as fast as I could. Frankly, I didn’t want to say a word to Levi right now. Or to anybody. I would just walk home, it’d only take a half an hour.

“Hey, where are you going?” Levi asked, stopping in front of his car.

“Home.” I responded without turning around.

“Don’t you have a ride?”

“I’m walking.”

“I’ll drive you home.”

“I’m fine with walking.”

“Eren.” Levi demanded.

I stopped in my tracks and turned around to face him, exasperated. “What?!”

“I want to take you somewhere.” He said simply.

This was bullshit. He’d treated me like a total asshole all night, and now he expected me to tag along with him on some random car ride?

“I want to go h-”

“Eren,” His expression softened and he let out a sigh. “Please? I want to escape from this place and I can’t think of a better way than with you. I don’t have to be fancy-lawyer-Levi around you. Or any other fictional version of myself. I can just be me. Levi. So please. Just come with me.”

And before I knew it, I found myself walking back to his car.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are some other ways to contact me!
> 
> I love chatting with people and hearing what you guys have to say, so hit me up! I'd be happy to answer any questions, hear your predictions, read your feedback, etc. Your reviews are always so fun to read!
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> http://ask.fm/turntechJaeger  
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> 
> ALSO, don't forget that I'm tracking the fic on tumblr under "#ereri fic: nicotine" in case anyone posts something about it or even draws fanart, which would be AMAZING! Thanks!


	13. Heart Beats and Stuttered Breaths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I'm sorry this chapter took a while for me to publish, school has been absolutely kicking my ass and I was having a super hard time deciding what to do with this chapter. But hey! Here it is! Finally. 
> 
> Anyways, I basically have the next few chapters all planned out. Writing them, of course, will be the problem here, but hopefully I'll be updating more frequently.
> 
> Originally, this chapter was gonna be super smutty but I decided it isn't quite time for all of the heavy stuff yet, so it kind of just developed into feels. But! If everything goes as planned-(which I'm praying it will)-the smut is coming soon.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! And as always, thank you so much for all of the feedback guys! It's the reason why I'm still writing this trainwreck! 
> 
> ***WARNING: This chapter contains some lowkey NSFW content***
> 
> ENJOY!

_Eren_

“Why did you take me here again?” I asked, surveying the front of the vacant building in front of us, shoving my hands in my pockets.

“No one else knows about it but me. And Erwin, of course, but I doubt he’s gonna be here.” Levi replied, his eyes locked on the building.

“This is where you go to get away? To clear your mind? Why?” I asked, glancing over at him.

“Like I said, I’m the only one who knows about it.”

“But so does Erwin. Why would being here make you feel better?”

“Everyone has a dirty, ugly side, Eren. You either discard it or live with it. I live with it. I’m not gonna let it ruin the way I view things,” He replied sharply.

“I wish I had that same mindset,” I mumbled, letting a soft sigh escape my lips. “Living with my dark side isn’t necessarily my forte.”

“Well you better get used to living with it, Eren. Because if you’re gonna be with me, it’s just gonna become stronger and more apparent,” He sighed softly, stealing a glance at me. I knew that the situation we were in was supposed to be serious, but I couldn’t help the giddy feeling I felt pooling in my stomach when I heard him say ‘be with me.’ Were we really already that serious? “Just look at the situation we’re in.” He added under his breath, his attention turned back to the large building standing before us.

We were back where we’d started on that very first day: the old sex house Levi used to be...involved with. After Levi had told me what Erwin had done to him and why exactly he had to retreat to this job, it hurt me just to think about all the hardship Levi was dragged through.

“Anyways,” Levi spoke up again, clearing his throat, the apathetic look returning to his face and the monotonous edge inching its way back into his voice. “It might not be the desirable thing to do, but let’s head inside. It’s cold out here.”  
Levi was definitely right about that. The sun had set below the horizon hours ago, leaving the dark sky freckled with twinkling stars, a chilly, autumn breeze wisping its way through the empty streets of the abandoned town. The building was in a pretty infamous part of Trost, the outskirts, far away from the big city, where no one dared to go at night. No lights, no open shops, barely any houses. Just seemingly endless streets and run down buildings-a skeleton of a town.

“Here, have my hoodie,” I said quickly, unzipping my sweater and slipping it off before offering it to Levi. He took it from me, a seemingly grateful look in his eye as he slid it on. I had to admit: seeing Levi in my clothes made my heart start pounding all over again, the way the fabric hung loosely over his prominent features. He must have noticed my wandering eyes because he rolled his eyes and let a soft “tch” escape his lips before reaching for my hand, lacing our fingers. The sleeve of my sweater fell onto my hand due to how long it was on Levi’s arms. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself, brat,” he murmured, pulling on my hand and tugging me inside of the building after him.

I couldn’t help but smile, following him despite how intimidating the building looked, especially where we were and how dark it was. Which led me to my next question. “Is it safe…? And clean..?” I asked softly as Levi led me inside.

“Yeah,” He replied, leading me to a staircase. “I have my own room from when I used to work here. It might seem weird, but I come here a lot.”

“Why, exactly?” I asked, following him upstairs.

“Like I said, no one knows about this place. I can escape here, I don’t have to be all perfect all the fucking time.” We walked up the stairs and towards a long hallway, the wooden floors creaking from underneath us. Despite how run-down it looked on the outside, it really wasn’t that bad from the inside.

He led me to the end of the hall before reaching into his pocket, pulling out a small key. He opened up the room and pulled me inside. The room was fairly sized, not too big and not too small. There was one small window covered with gray drapes, the walls made of brick and painted gray, although the paint was chipping off, revealing its original rusty brown. There was a small bed on the other side of the room with a nightstand sitting next to it. That was pretty much all the room had to offer, but I wasn’t complaining. Despite what kind of room this used to be-and all the things Levi might have done in here-it seemed like it could be a nice place to relax and clear your mind. As my eyes shifted to the far wall, I decided not to comment on the chains drilled into the wall.

Levi closed the door behind me, making his way over to the bed with a quiet yawn. I followed him, my hands shoved in my pockets.

“Wanna play a game?” I asked suddenly, catching me by surprise.  
“A game?” He asked, sitting on the bed across from me. I nodded, crossing his legs in front of me.

“Yeah. We can ask questions about each other or something, see how much we know about each other or see if we can find out more.”

“What’s the catch?” He asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

I felt a smug smirk tug at the corner of my lips.

“Hmm..” I hummed, Levi’s eyes locked on me, a sultry undertone edging its way into my voice-or, at least trying to. By now I knew that I was no match for Levi. “For every question we get wrong, we have to take one article of clothing off.”

I had to admit: I was nervous. I never really did this kind of stuff: in fact, before the night of the party, I’d never even had sex. Especially with someone like Levi..

“Sure,” Levi spoke without hesitation. I wasn’t surprised. Levi didn’t seem like one to get nervous over this sort of thing. “Let’s do it.” He smiled innocently, though I could tell his thoughts were far from it. “You can ask first,” he added.

I felt a familiar warmth spread across my cheeks and make its way up to the tip of my ears. Despite my nervousness, I did a pretty good job at keeping a straight face.

I hoped.

“What’s my favorite color?” I asked.

Levi snorted, crossing his arms. “What a boring question.”

I shrugged, crossing my arms as well. “Well we don’t really know a lot about each other.”

“Fair enough. I just can’t believe you still have a favorite color. We’re not in kindergarten anymore,” he replied, taking a moment to think. “Red?”

“Nope.” I shook my head, feeling a smile spread proudly across my lips. “It’s green.”  
“Shit,” he cursed under his breath before pulling the hoodie I’d lent him off and tossing it to the side. His eyes shifted to me again. “What is my favorite…” His voice trailed off as he searched for the word. “Drink. What’s my favorite drink?”

“That tea thing that you always get at the coffee shop,” I replied with confidence.

“You’re right.” He rolled his eyes, obviously annoyed that he was losing already. “Your turn, brat.”

“What’s my favorite movie?” I asked, the smug grin still on my lips as I spoke.

“Knowing you...Probably something stupid. Like Ghostbusters or every Star Trek movie.” He answered after a moment of thought.

I was genuinely offended. Ghostbusters and Star Trek? Stupid? Did he have no taste in films? What could be better than ghosts and aliens? “You’re right, and these are classics we’re talking about here. The very opposite of stupid.”

Levi chuckled softly, rolling his eyes. “You’re serious? What are you, a thirteen-year-old?”

While I couldn’t believe what I was hearing AT ALL, seeing Levi laugh definitely made it a lot better. Even if he just insulted some of the greatest films of all time, I could let it slide to see him smile.

I laughed, playfully nudging Levi’s shoulder. “Huh, after hearing all this shit you’re talking about Ghostbusters and Star Trek, you might be kind of a deal breaker.”

Levi rolled his eyes, trying to suppress his smile. “Really now?”

“Oh absolutely,” I replied jokingly, putting a hand over my heart dramatically. “You’ve really struck a nerve.”

“Well, I’m very sorry for hurting you in such a way, but it’s my turn.” Levi ran his fingers through his hair, thinking of a question. “Where is my favorite place to be?”

“Easy,” I answered quickly. “The coffee shop.” I was already becoming too overconfident with this game, but as long as I was winning and I could see Levi get worked up over losing, I didn’t care.

Much to my surprise-and dismay-Levi shook his head. “Wrong. Shirt off.”

“Huh?” I asked, tilting my head to the side.

“Shirt off.”

“No, that’s not what I’m confused about,” I shook my head. “What place other than the coffee shop could be your favorite place?”

“It’s a secret.” He replied, placing his index finger over his lips. “Now take your shirt off before I take it off for you.”

“I wouldn’t necessarily mind that,” I murmured, pulling my tee shirt over my head, a little bit grumpy that I got that last question wrong.

Levi’s eyes wandered all over my upper body, my face probably becoming more red than it already was. As always, his expression was unreadable. Did he like what he saw? Was he unimpressed?

“Slow your roll,” He said, tearing his eyes back to look into mine. “Your turn.”

“Right..” I answered, unsure if I could even form any more words. “What’s my favorite subject in school?”

“Ugh, you’re making this too hard. Your favorite subject in school isn’t really something that comes up in conversation too much.” He sighed, rolling his eyes for the millionth time that hour.

“I don’t care,” I laughed, loving every minute of seeing Levi worked up over such a simple game. “Answer the question.”

“I don’t fuckin’ know..Math? Biology?”

I crinkled my nose, shaking my head. “You’re very wrong. Whose favorite subject is math?”

Levi sighed in exasperation, unbuttoning his dark, gray shirt. “Who the fuck knows? I was just guessing.”

I laughed, watching as his slender fingers worked at undoing each of the buttons as he eventually began pulling the shirt off all the way, causing a lump to form in my throat and the smile to disappear from my face completely. He pulled the shirt off entirely, setting it neatly next to him. My eyes trailed up and down his muscular arms and eventually down to his prominent abs, his ivory skin complimenting his body perfectly.

Levi snapped his fingers, making me tear my eyes away from his body, a smirk on his perfect lips. I was positive I was as red as a tomato now, and he was obviously amused. My eyes kept wanting to stare. I had to fight myself not to, and he knew it. Now it was his turn to find amusement in me getting worked up. “Take a picture,” his smirk widened. “It’ll last longer.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Part of me was relieved. I knew all I would do was stumble over my words and make a bigger idiot out of myself than I already had.

“What’s my favorite animal?” He asked, cocking a perfect eyebrow.

“You...like animals?” I asked stupidly, tilting my head to the side, still too flustered to speak correctly.

Levi laughed, obviously amused about the state he’d left me in. “Of course I like animals. The fuck do you think I am? I might be an asshole but I’m not that much of an asshole. Answer the question.”

“Uhm..” I replied, beginning to recover from that utter embarrassment. “Dogs..?”

An innocent-looking smile made its way onto Levi’s face as he motioned towards my pants. “Pants off.”

I sighed, reaching down to unbutton and unzip my pants before tossing them aside. I tried to ignore Levi’s eyes-he was looking at me like I was a juicy steak or something, causing my entire face to heat up. Maybe suggesting this game wasn’t a good idea on my part. I should’ve known Levi would’ve ended up winning.

“Okay,” I said, my voice shaky, much to my obvious dismay. I definitely didn’t want to embarrass myself further, I needed to keep my shit together until the game was over.

“What’s my favorite Legend of Zelda game?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow and crossing my arms over my chest once more as if I was trying to cover myself. It wasn’t gonna help much, I was only in my boxers and socks at this point.

Levi rubbed his face, another sigh escaping his lips. “Motherfucker...How the hell do you expect me to know this?”

“I don’t. That’s why I’m asking you,” I replied as proudly as I could, but given my current state, it was probably a pathetic attempt.

“Shit..Uh..Ocarina of Time?” He asked, the look on his face already giving away that he knew he was wrong. Which he was.

“Nope!” I smiled, gaining some of my previous confidence, miraculously enough. “It’s Majora’s Mask. Pants off.”

Levi groaned before moving to slip his pants off, eyes locked on me the entire time. I never knew he was the type to get so pissed over losing stupid games like this, but maybe he was just as embarrassed as I was. Highly unlikely, but hey, I could dream.

Levi and I sat there in silence for a moment, just taking each other in. His ivory skin, his perfectly toned body, his stormy, blue eyes, the way his raven hair fell over his eyes, showing off parts of his eyes while leaving some room for mystery.

His toned muscles that spread from his chest to his arms, curving  down to his stomach and to legs, his prominent bones mixed with the dim lighting of the room casting shadows all over his body.

“My turn,” Levi murmured, his eyes still trained on me. “You would be totally fine if I kissed you right now.”

My heart thudded in my chest, a shudder running up and down my spine. “Right.”

I didn’t know who was leaning in, but within seconds, our noses were brushing together, our eyes half-lidded, our lips only centimeters apart. Our breaths were stuttered as we sat in comfortable silence, his dark blue eyes staring right into mine. His hot breaths against my lips caused me to shudder, and before I knew it, our lips were pressed together, my eyelids falling shut.

Levi’s lips moved gently against mine as he leaned in more. I began to lay back, his mouth following mine. He moved to straddle my lap, threading his slender fingers in my hair. He teethed at my lower lip for a moment before biting down and sucking on it completely, a wave of pleasure flooding over me and causing me to gasp just before he pulled away from me.

I opened my eyes to see Levi looking down at me as if he was admiring a painting. He seemed to be too focused on my body to notice my eyes on him, so I figured I’d enjoy the view until he caught me.

I felt his slender fingers lightly trail up and down my stomach, tracing the outline of my abs and eventually my hipbones. I felt my eyelids droop as I leaned my head back, his fingernails digging gently into my hips.

“What are you doing?” I murmured, staring up at the ceiling with hazy vision. My head and face were on fire, burning hotter and hotter with every one of Levi’s gentle touches.

His fingers lingered over my skin for a moment before he answered, running them up to my chest. “Touching you,” He said softly, his eyes trained on his fingers as he traced small circles into my skin. “It’s harder to forget than just looking at you.”

I felt my heart pound in my chest, butterflies fluttering around in my stomach.

He leaned down again, both of his hands rested on my chest. His lips brushed against mine. I took it as an invitation to kiss him again, the desire beginning to burn a hole in the pit of my stomach. He leaned back ever-so-slightly, my lips not meeting his. I saw the corner of his mouth tick upwards. He was teasing me. I guess I should have expected this, but it still kind of pissed me off. However, my positively blissful state was too strong for me to feel the urge to complain. Levi had left me high off of his lips. Wanting more, making me addicted. It seemed like every time his lips met mine, I fell in love with him all over again. His cocky smirk, his constant frown, his rare smile, his nicotine lips.

His eyes met mine for the first time in what seemed like forever, a silent agreement between the two of us that no words were needed in that moment.

Levi Ackerman. God. A man full of absolute mystery, leaving a sea of endless, unanswered questions wherever he managed to find himself.

“God,” I murmured, bringing a hand up to his cheek, rubbing my thumb against it. He leaned into my touch, closing his eyes.

“I’m in love with you,” I whispered softly, his eyes shooting open at the words, red spreading from his nose and onto his pale cheeks almost immediately.

Did Levi Ackerman not know how much I fucking loved him? That every single one of my fucking heart beats was for him? Every word I said and every breath I took was for him? I didn’t care how deep of a hole we’d dug ourselves into. That everyone would hate me. I loved him. I loved him, I loved him, I loved him.

“Eren..” He murmured quietly, his eyes wide and locked on me.

I shook my head. “Levi, I love you. I love you so fucking much. And I wish we weren’t in such a shitty situation and that we didn’t have to keep everything a fucking secret. And I know we’re a trainwreck waiting to happen. I know we’re gonna crash and burn. But until that happens? Until we crash…?” Levi’s eyes were pooling with tears at the corners as he stared at me with a look that was unreadable, but definitely surprised. Wonder, terror, relief-or maybe even all three. “Until we crash..” I continued, my eyes trained on him, all of the feelings I’d felt the past few weeks welling up inside of me. “I want to savor every moment. Every moment like it was the first and eventually the last. I don’t want this to be some kind of stupid fling, Levi. I want to remember your features, and the way your eyes crinkle when you laugh, and the way you drive me fucking insane and how much I like it.” I paused for a second, trying to read Levi’s expression as one of those tears spilled over and rolled onto his cheek. “Until we’re long gone and all we are to each other is a tragic memory...I want to remember. I want to remember you. I want to remember what it’s like to be in love with you.”

Once I finished talking, I heard a soft gasp escape Levi’s lips as he covered his face with his hands, shaking his head and rubbing at his eyes, soft sobs shaking his shoulders. “That..” his voice cracked as he looked up at me, his eyes red and puffy and his cheeks stained with tears. “..Is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me.”

“Are you o-” I began speaking, but he shook his head and cupped my cheeks in his hands and pulled me closer to him. “Just shut up and kiss me, you brat.”

 

And, I did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are some other ways to contact me!
> 
> I love chatting with people and hearing what you guys have to say, so hit me up! I'd be happy to answer any questions, hear your predictions, read your feedback, etc. Your reviews are always so fun to read!
> 
> http://toastedackerman.tumblr.com/  
> (toastedackerman)
> 
> https://twitter.com/toastedackerman  
> (@toastedackerman)
> 
> https://twitter.com/Erenisthename  
> (@Erenisthename)
> 
> http://ask.fm/turntechJaeger  
> (turntechJaeger)
> 
> ALSO, don't forget that I'm tracking the fic on tumblr under "#ereri fic: nicotine" in case anyone posts something about it or even draws fanart, which would be AMAZING! Thanks!


	14. Homecoming Committee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I know it took FOREVER to upload this chapter and I am really sorry. School has been totally kicking my ass, and I just got my laptop taken away. =_=  
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I'm sorry it's a bit slow, but hey, at least nothing bad is happening.  
> Yet.
> 
> As always, please feel free to leave a comment and send me some feedback! I can almost always be reached at my tumblr, which is listed in my bio.
> 
> As always, enjoy!

_Eren_

 

Another chilling morning reminded me that the holidays were approaching rapidly. Green leaves had been replaced by the fiery orange of autumn, grocery stores had put up endless shelves of Halloween decorations. Clothing stores had replaced tanktops and shorts with with sweaters and jeans. There were Fright Fest marathons on AMC almost every night.

Autumn was my favorite time of the year. It served as a major relief to me. The holidays were right around the corner, and the end of the year was closer and closer each day. Come January, and I could start fresh with a brand new year.

It'd been almost two weeks since the last time I'd seen Levi. Between his job and school, between my classes and grueling SAT prep, we had virtually no time to see each other. We'd texted and called each other almost every day, but obviously it wasn't the same. After the last time we'd been together, I'd definitelly assumed we'd be seeing each other every day. But of course with the holidays approaching, I was sure Armin must want to spend more time with Levi, which meant less time for the two of us to be together. I knew it was selfish, but I hated being so damn secretive. I was ready for Levi to be mine and only mine. And it would definitely be nice to spend Christmas-his birthday with him, at least, but I knew it was out of the picture. However, I wasn't about to let it dwell on me. Given our situation, I was seeing a lot more of Levi than I probably should've been. Despite all of my negative thoughts, October was going pretty well for me. That was, until, Armin decided to sign me up for the October Homecoming Committee. Every year, my school had a special October dance, each year with a different theme. This year would be a Masquerade ball, with fancy dresses and masks and tuxes and stuff. Basically, a stupid, overpriced dance people at the school took way too seriously. I never attended them; I would much rather just stay at home and draw; or maybe even jump off of a cliff. Social gatherings-especially _school_ social gatherings-had never been my thing. 

"Armin," I groaned, leaning forward and resting my elbows on my desk. I ran my fingers through my hair and rubbed my face, looking at him through the cracks between my fingers. "Did you really?"

"Yes! I did! Come on, all you ever do nowadays is stay at home and play video games or whatever you like to do. You could use some time out."

"At a school dance? Around a bunch of people who hate me? Armin, if you wanted me to get some time out, we could've just gone on a hike through the forest or something. "They don't hate you," Armin huffed. "Not anymore, at least. Everything is okay now, yeah? And I can't go on a hike through the forest. My asthma would kick my ass and you know it."

"I know, but.." I rubbed my temples, sighing softly. "The homecoming committee? Of all things?" 

"And maybe if you end up liking it, you could come to the actual dance." He added, a hopeful gleam in his eyes.

"Absolutely not. Being on the committee for it is bad enough." I murmured. "Besides, you'll probably be spending the whole time with Levi, and you know he and I don't get along," I added, probably sounding a lot more whiney than I actually intended to. But the fact that Levi would be there definitely played into my reasons for not wanting to go. The last thing I wanted to see was Armin and Levi all over each other all night. 

"Well, actually, as much as I want him to go, he has classes that night." Armin replied, a twinge in his voice that made him sound upset. I felt bad for feeling relieved. I knew Armin already suspected something was going on with Levi, and knowing how smart he was, it wouldn't take long for him to put two and two together; no matter how hard I tried to steer him from the truth. But I also knew Levi was smart. If he knew we were at some point going to get caught, why was he even bothering? "Well, in that case," I murmured, tapping my fingers against the desk. "I might be able to make an appearance." 

* * *

 

That day after school, I stayed an hour later to attend the stupid homecoming committee meeting. I tried to act as enthusiastic as I could, but I was sure I wasn't doing a very good job due to the uneasy glances I was getting from Armin. Basically, the entire meeting was two overly-enthusiastic Senior girls freaking out over how much confetti and glitter we needed and assigning us jobs. Connie, Sasha, Armin, Marco and I would be in charge of the decorations that would go on the stage where the DJ would be playing and the homecoming king and queen would be announced. Marco and Armin were always into this kind of stuff, and I was sure Connie and Sasha were only on the team because a.) they got in trouble and this was their punishment, or b.) they needed participation points for slacking off on everything else.

"I tried to get Jean to join," Marco began, taping the top edges of an obnoxiously sparkly poster to the wall. "But he said it wasn't his thing." 

"If only I had that choice," I snorted, standing up on my tip toes to tape the poster up. "Armin signed me up without asking me first." 

"I guess it could be good for you, I mean you haven't necessarily been social since everything happened." Marco replied, shooting a reassuring glance at me. "Would  _you_ be?" I asked, probably sounding a lot more aggressive than I intended to. "...Anyways," I began in a much softer tone. "How are you and Jean, anyways?" It took Marco a second to reply, the usual smile in his voice wavering. "I...ah. I don't really know, to be honest." 

I looked over at him, pulling another poster out of my bag, furrowing my brows. "What do you mean?"

"We just...haven't been talking much. He's been blowing me off every time I ask if we could see each other." He shrugged, walking down to the other side of the hallway. "And of course after what happened, my trust in him hasn't been very...strong." 

I tore my gaze away from him, pressing the poster against the wall to tape it. "Look, I know I'm probably not the best person to confide in when it comes to this sort of thing: but, Jean isn't a very good for you, Marco. You deserve a lot better." Marco sighed, and I was beginning to worry the topic was making him uncomfortable. "I'm sorry-if you don't want to talk about it, we don't have to." I added, chewing on my lip. 

"No, it's fine, it's fine. I usually just talk to Armin about this sort of thing, you know?" He shrugged, taping the last pieces of tape to the poster. "I might break up with him. But we've been together for so long...It'd be hard."

"Yeah, I know the feeling," I muttered, putting the roll of tape back into my bag. "I hope everything works out with you and Jean, Marco." I said as I waved over at him, turning around and heading back to return the tape and extra posters to the classroom. I wondered if Jean had been cheating on Marco again. Of course, I wasn't one to judge him on the matter, but it still made me curious and I wouldn't have been surprised if he would have done it again. Almost every other week, there was always new gossip surrounding who Jean had slept with this time, but somehow Marco never seemed to find out about it. And if he did, he never seemed to pay it any mind or express his problems with it. In a way, it was kind of sad. Had Jean manipulated him that much, or was he just really oblivious? No, no one was that oblivious. Not even Marco. Jean had to have been manipulating him, just like he manipulated everyone else. But what if Jean had been taking his manipulating him to another level? He  _was_ very forceful, just like he was with me that morning at lunch. What if he wasn't only manipulating him with his words, but with his fists? The thought made my blood boil and my stomach turn at the same time. Jean had done some fucked up things, but would he really hurt Marco like that? Of course he would. Jean only cared about himself. 

I walked back into the classroom to see Armin sitting across from some seniors, scribbling down words and sketches regarding decorations and the dance floor. "I'm gonna head home, Armin," I said, setting the bag down on the desk next to him. "All right, I'll see you tomorrow-hey, is everything okay?" He asked, studying me with worried eyes. I looked down at my hands, unaware of how hard I'd been gripping onto the bag. My knuckles were white, and I was sure my face had turned red by now. My thoughts about Jean and Marco must have worked me up more than I'd thought. "Oh...yeah. Don't worry. See ya tomorrow." 

* * *

 

"The homecoming committee? Tragic." Levi sipped on his tea, raising a perfectly thin eyebrow. He wasn't supposed to be drinking tea while he was working, but no one dared to tell him not to. "I know," I muttered, leaning over the counter as Levi set his tea down and opened up the cash register. "And I think I might even have to go to the actual dance. I told Armin I would." 

"I have classes that night," Levi started counting money, flipping through the papers and mouthing numbers to himself. 

"I wish you didn't," I sighed, looking up at him, resting my elbows on the counter. 

"Well, even if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to do anything with you. One, we're supposed to hate each other, and two, Armin is already suspicious."

"Of  _you_ ," I added, reaching over and grabbing Levi's teacup, taking a sip. The warm liquid sent a cozy-feeling wave over my body. "Well, do you want him to be suspicious of  _you too_?" He asked, snatching the cup out of my hand. "After what you did, it wouldn't be hard for him to start suspecting you, as well."

"Don't remind me," I groaned, burying my face in my hands. "He says he trusts me again-I feel like a horrible person." 

"Yeah, well, you are a horrible person. Join the club."

I flinched, rubbing my face, eliciting a sigh from Levi. "I didn't mean it like that, kid." He set the money back down, running a slender hand through his raven-black hair. "I could break up with him," Levi suggested quietly, his stormy eyes shifting to meet mine. "No," I sat up straight, shaking my head. "You can't break up with him because of me. We're already hurting him enough."

Levi nodded, looping an arm around my neck to rub at the back of my hair. "You need a haircut," He breathed, looking up to meet my gaze. "I haven't had a haircut in forever," I rolled my eyes, purring softly at Levi's touch. 

"I can tell," Levi snorted, twisting locks of my hair between his fingers, pulling me in and pecking my lips. "I could cut it for you." 

I nodded, smiling to myself. It'd been such a long time since I'd seen Levi, being with him, even if he was working, was more relieving than anything. "Sure, if you want to. That sounds nice."

"I'll do it the next time you come over, then." Levi pressed a quick kiss to my lips before pulling away from me again. "When can I come over again?" I asked, tilting my head to the side. "Not sure," He replied, bringing his cup of tea to his lips. "School and work have been up my ass lately. Next time I'm free I'll work something out. That is, unless Armin doesn't catch me first."

I nodded, relieved I'd be able to spend more time with Levi, but still felt uneasy at the sound of Armin's name. Still, it'd been forever since I got to fall asleep next to him. I'd been beginning to fear I'd forget his smell and the taste of his nicotine lips. 

"What're you two lovebirds up to?" Hanji barged into the room, the usual crazed-looking grin on her lips. "Oi," Levi groaned, "what've you been doing back there this entire time, shitty glasses? Taking a shit? Your shift started ten minutes ago."

"Oh, I've just been spying on you two." Hanji giggled, strutting over to a small chalkboard on the wall behind the desk, too high up for Levi to reach, erasing the previous day's specials. 

"I'd appreciate some privacy," Levi grumbled, taking the last sip of his drink before walking over to the sink and turning the water on. "Don't be so grumpy, Levi! I'm sure Eren doesn't mind. Right Eren?" Hanji asked, glancing over at me over her shoulder after sketching a cup of coffee on the board with orange, brown, and white chalk.

"Oh, uh-"

"See, Levi! Everything is fine. Lighten up." Hanji laughed, turning back to her chalkboard to finish drawing her promotion for Pumpkin Spice Lattes. 

"Tch," Levi rolled his eyes, scrubbing away at his cup. 

"Anyways," Hanji said, turning to face me after finishing the sign. "I heard something about a dance?" 

"Oh, yeah," I spoke up, twiddling my thumbs, shrugging. "It's nothing, really. Armin signed me up to be on homecoming committee...Levi has school, so he isn't even able to come to the dance. I probably won't stay past two hours." 

"Come on, Levi, you  _have_ to go." Hanji begged, practically squealing, causing Levi to jump. He set his cup down before grabbing a rag to dry it. "I have school," Levi said, leaning against the counter with a cocked eyebrow and narrowed eyes. "Plus, it's around Eren's entire class; and Armin, and all of his friends. We'd be morons to even _try_ to pull something like that off." 

"Well," I interjected, looking over at Levi. "It is a masquerade ball. You know, fancy dresses and masks? It's not impossible."

"Still," Levi opened up a cabinet and stood up on the tips of his toes to set his now-clean teacup down. "It wouldn't be hard to recognize me, even if I was wearing a mask." As much as I wanted Levi to go, I knew he was right. There was no sense in arguing with him over something I was ultimately wrong about. A stupid school dance wasn't worth giving away our entire secret and ruining everything. 

"Ugh," Hanji groaned, putting her hands on her hips and frowning. "You're against all fun, Levi."

"No, I'm just against ruining lives." He reached behind his back and untied his apron, tossing it over at Hanji. "I've gotta get to class. Try not to set the shop on fire, shitty glasses. Farlan should be here soon." He grabbed his coat from under a cabinet under the counter, slipping it on with his dark, red scarf. "C'mon, brat. You're walking me out to my car.

* * *

 

The walk to the car was silent, Levi's hands were shoved into his pockets, his scarf resting over his mouth. I walked alongside him, shooting glances over at him every-so-often. I was fine with with silence when it came to Levi. We didn't need to talk. As long as we were together; as long as he was next to me, at least, I was perfectly content. I looked up at the sky. Dark clouds were forming, replacing the bright sky that had brightened the day earlier that morning. "I've missed you," I decided to finally speak, glancing over at the shorter male. 

"I've missed you, too." Levi replied, sounding completely genuine. 

"I hate how little we see each other," I looked over at him, his eyes shifting up to meet my gaze. His steely eyes looked hazed, tired. "Me too. But there's nothing we can do about it," He sighed. I looped an arm around his waist, sliding my hand into his back pocket. He purred quietly, leaning into me. "Thanks for coming by the Shop today," He said, grabbing onto my free hand. 

"Of course," I replied, flashing him a grin. Levi groaned as his car came into sight, turning to face me and looping his arms around my neck. "I'll see you soon, okay?" Maybe you can come by again tomorrow." 

I nodded, wrapping my arms around his waist. "I'll definitely try."

He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine, our lips moving gently against each other. He pulled away after a moment before tracing my lips with his index finger, causing me to feel chills dance up and down my spine. "I really don't want you to go," I whined. "Can't you just stay with me tonight?"

"I wish," Levi leaned back slightly, pressing his back against his car door, his slender fingers playing with the collar of my shirt. "But I've already missed enough classes because of you." 

I was sure Levi was just trying to tease me at this point, like he always did. Making me long for him more than I already did. I leaned against him, taking advantage of his current position against the car. "It's not my fault you can't resist me," I joked, a tease playing the corner of my lips. A breathy chuckle escaped Levi's lips, causing me to shudder. "Don't get too cocky, _mon amour_ ," Levi murmured before rolling his eyes, pressing his knee into my bulge. My breath hitched in my throat, causing Levi to shoot me a smug smirk, leaning in to lightly press his lips against my neck. "I'll see you soon," He breathed, pulling his arms away from me and turning around to unlock the door.

I sighed, rolling my eyes and crossing my arms. "You're such an ass sometimes." 

"Yeah, well," He opened the door and climbed in, pushing the key into the ignition and starting the car. "It's part of my charm."

"I love you," I said, leaning in and pecking his lips. He smiled softly, rubbing his thumb against my cheek. "I love you too," He said, using his free hand to run his fingers through my hair. 

As much as I didn't want to, I pulled away so he could close the door. He flashed me another one of his rare smiles before driving off. I turned to walk down the street, back to my house. 

I could use a nap. 


	15. Chapter 15 (UNFINISHED)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so i know its been a LOOONG ass time since i last updated this fic. 
> 
> I probably wont be updating it religiously anymore, and this fic should probably be considered discontinued, unless i randomly get muse for it again, which, HEY, it could happen some day. Ive kind of been astray from the snk/ereri fandom and ive moved into the homestuck fandom, which i still write fics for, and my current one can be found in my works if anyone is interested. 
> 
> I also have a tumblr, which can be found in my bio, where ill post updated regarding fics/my writing under [my blog's username].tumblr.com/tagged/my writing. Currently, my username is windi-cuffs, so youd enter windi-cuffs.tumblr.com/tagged/my writing, however the un changes a lot, so itd be best to check my bio. 
> 
> So yeah. Here's what ive had written in my notebook for chapter 15 since like...november of 2015 aha.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> EDIT: If youd like to know my planned plot progression/climax/ending for this fic, please send me an ask on tumblr and ill be happy to explain.

Homecoming committee was a lot more work than I originally anticipated it to be. Firstly, we met every single fucking day after school, and sometimes we’d have to give up our lunch periods. Lunch wasn’t really that important to me anyways, however. I usually just hung out in the library and worked on homework or something to avoid social contact. It still sucked that I was forced to switch from not giving a fuck about the period to being forced to do something I hated. 

I wanted to quit so badly, but I was obviously making Armin happy by being there, and I figured it was the least I could do considering what I’d been doing behind his back with Levi. 

We were only three days away from the dance, and we were all stressing our asses off. I decided I’d go, even if Levi wouldn’t be there. Plus, he was right: even if he was, we wouldn’t be able to do anything. I was supposed to hate him; we were to remain a secret. I wasn’t about to sacrifice my only escape from the steaming hot pile of shit reality was. It was easy to let go when I was with Levi, which made it even harder to face reality when it came looking for me. However, all of this constant lying was really getting to me. 

Mikasa asking me where I was going late at night, and my having to make up some elaborate, on-the-spot excuse. Armin asking me why Levi had been so distant with him, my having to pull some motivational speech out of my ass. 

Fuck, I was even lying to  _ myself _ . Trying to make myself think what I was doing was okay in the slightest. Deep down, I knew it wasn’t. 

But what scared me to my core was the fact that I’d become such a good liar, I was actually beginning to believe myself. Maybe my fear had been coming true: I was nothing better than Jean. 

Manipulative. Conniving. Sneaky. 

I despised myself. 

The three days passed by quickly, and the night of the dance was already upon us. 

Of course, the entire committee was freaking the fuck out. 

I had to get to the venue an hour early to help out, and I’d never seen Marco so irritated. 

* * *

 


End file.
